The Prize Transcript (Dialogue Only)

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Hercules: No. No. Oh please. NOOOOOOOO!

Ares: Uh huh. Oh yeah!

Hercules: Let's just talk about this, okay? Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Ares: Hey, Having fun yet, little brother? I sure am!

Hercules: Stick a sandal in it, Ares!

Ares: What you said!

Strife: Uh, that'll leave a mark tomorrow!

Ares: You know, I've wanted to do this since the day you were born. I-I never dared dream it would be so... SATASFYING!

Strife: I don't mean to be critical, Unc, But uh, don't you think you should just lighten up, just a tinsy little bit?

Ares: Light... Lighten up? There's no lightning. I have Hercules exactly where I want him!

Discord: But what about the protection order? You destroy Hercules and Zeus will send you straight to Tartarus!

Hercules: Yes! Yes!

Ares: You see, I don't need to worry about Daddy's protection order any more.

Strife and Discord: Pieces of the Cronos Stone!

Ares: NO TOUCHING! These have made me more powerful that I've ever been. Once I get the other two, I'll be in charge. Oh I'm really, I mean really going to enjoy this.

Strife: Uncle Ares? Unc? Here's your double-double Ambrosia with a side of fries!

Ares: YOU INTERUPTED ME! Oh, I was having the nicest daydream about my plans for the Cronos Stone.

Strife: Pieces of the Cronos Stone! Heh, heh.


Strife: Ow! Where's that come from?

Ares: It took me 800 years to find the first two pieces.

Strife: Yikes.

Ares: Zeus decreed that the pieces of the Cronos Stone would be powerless unless a god received each one freely from the hands of a mortal. Now, do you know how hard that is?

Strife: Come on. With your winning personality and good old-fashioned people skills?

Ares: The third piece may be within my grasp.

Strife: (Groans) Oh, joy.

Ares: It's some dusty roadside inn's prize in a mortal talent contest, if you believe that.

Discord: But you just said if you grab it, the thing won't work. And if you order a mortal to give it to you, it still won't work.

Ares: Ah, but if I win, It will.

Discord: You're willing to mix with mortals?

Ares: Whatever it takes, to get my hands on that crystal.


Hercules: Whoo, gosh. People sure have shelled out for this prize basket.

Iolaus: Well, you got a crystal paperweight...

Iolaus: Oh, ugh. Goat jerky.

Hercules: Yeah.

Iolaus: Ahh. Dinars.

Hercules: No, no, no.

Iolaus: What?

Hercules: Listen, If you want to win them, you can enter the contest.

Iolaus: Yeah, like I'm going to sing in front of all those people.

Hercules: Iolaus, I've heard you sing. You can.

Iolaus: Sure.

Hercules and Iolaus: Ahh, Hmmm, uhhhhh.

Iolaus: No, no. In the shower, maybe. But I'm not getting naked for anything. Believe me.

Kora: Iolaus, can you help me get some more chairs? I don't know where all these people are coming from!

Iolaus: I'd love to Kora. Really. She likes me. That must kill you.

Hercules: Oh, Hi. You must be here for the talent contest. Can I get your name?

Ares: Ares.

Hercules: Ares, alright. And your occupation?

Ares: God of War.

Hercules: God of, god of... What are you doing here?

Ares: Like you said, I'm here for the talent contest.

Strife: Three guesses who's gonna win. The first two don't count.

Act One

Hercules: The God of War wants to enter a mortal talent contest. Now, what's wrong with this picture?

Ares: What? Don't you think I got enough talent?

Hercules: I think you do, yeah, for starting wars and ruining people's lives.

Ares: Oh stop. You're embarrassing be now.

Strife: Well, This is what passes for art around here?

Hercules: You got a problem with that, Strife?

Hercules: Listen. Whatever you guys came in here to start, We can finish outside, alright?

Discord: Like it's always about you?

Hercules: well, isn't it? Why are you guys here?

Ares: I have come to enter a talent contest. Now, If you'll excuse me, I must go warm up. Yahhhhhhhhhhh...

Strife: Pickity, pickity, pickity, pickity...

Discord: Hmph! Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!


Kora: And now our next contestants: Petra, Paula, and Murray!

Hercules: Okay. Big problem.

Iolaus: Yeah, No kidding. A talent contest with no talent.

Kora: The crowd is starting to get ugly.

Hercules: Uh, no. Guess who just signed in. Ares.

Iolaus: You're kidding.

Kora: Ares. That's kinda cute, like the God of War.

Hercules: No, no, not like. Is. You see, Ares is here, right here, right now, with Strife and Discord.

Ares: Exciting, isn't it?

Kora and Iolaus: Ares.

Ares: What's the fuss? All I want to do is join in your little talent show.

Kora: I don't believe you.

Ares: Listen, toots. You give me one minute on that stage and I'll show you how serious I am.

Kora: Well, I can't exactly kick out the God of War, now can I?

Ares: Good. So, it's settled then.


Discord: You know, Strife. About this Cronos Stone, I've been thinking.

Strife: Ha, Ha. You, thinking? Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha. Oh, You're serious. I hate mimes.

Discord: Let me handle this. We know Ares has talent to burn. But mortals are, well, they're mortals. No accounting for taste.

Strife: Your point being?

Discord: What if we helped Ares really sell his number, you know? Add a touch of sizzle? Give him the ol' razzle dazzle?

Strife: And do what, give Ares a reason to blow us away? Bleaaah!

Discord: Work with me here! If we push him over the top, then he doesn't win. The three of us win. She's good. Can't have that.

Kora: And let's hear it for the Amazing Amarta! Great, yeah. Coming up next, we have a very unusual act for you here at Kora's. Let's give a great big warm welcome to Ares!

Crown in unison: Ares, God of War!

Ares: Chill cats, be cool. Don't think of me as the God of War. Think of me as the KING OF SWING! Hit it boys! A one, a two. A one, two, three, four!

Hercules: It doesn't make any sense, all right? What is Ares doing up there?

Ares: Got my hair slicked back, I'm ready to slide. A real cool cat who's here for the ride. A tiger on the prowl, looking for prey. Here kitty, kitty. Come on, lets play.

Iolaus: Well, actually, he's rocking the house.

Ares: I'm the best whose ever been, Hands down I'm gonna win.

Iolaus: Maybe he wants to win that prize basket. Maybe, they're out of goat jerky on Mt. Olympus.

Ares: It's slick, I'm here to play, So you'd better get outta my way. You ask yourselves why do you love me? Why do I make you scream and shout? I think you know no one's above me. And if you don't I'll give you something to cry all about! Gonna rock it, gonna play, gonna take it all around. Gonna take ya, gonna break ya, gonna turn you upside down!


Hercules: I'll help.


Ares: Gonna slam ya, gonna jam ya, gonna burn this place right down. Gonna spill it, gonna kill it, gonna rock till your head pounds!

Ares: Greek god almighty, that's who I am. And I'm the king of the swingin' jam. I'm the leader with the hippest sound. I really know how to shake 'em down. I'll give ya something that will set you free, pretty baby, rock along with me. GET UP! GET UP! Go round and round. Hey, forget about those clowns!

Hercules: Okay. We got some goat jerky, and uh, some cheese. Oh let me get this crystal paperweight...

Iolaus: Whoa. Do that again?

Hercules: Do what?

Iolaus: Make it glow.

Hercules: What?

Iolaus: Hey, It didn't do that when I picked it up. That must be because you're part god.

Hercules: Oww, ahh! Okay, okay. This... this is why Ares is here.

Iolaus: He wants that crystal.

Hercules: I'm only a half god, and look what it does for me. Imagine what can happen if he gets his hands on it!

Iolaus: Well, I guess we're gonna find out. He's got this contest nailed.

Hercules: Well, no. Listen, We can't let him win.

Iolaus: Well we can't stop him. He's really good.

Hercules: We have to!

Hercules: Iolaus! Sorry!

Act Two

Ares: ...gonna shake it all around. Gonna take ya, gonna break ya, gonna turn you upside down.

Hercules: I'm sorry. Are you okay?

Iolaus: Oh yeah, I'm fine.

Ares: ...gonna shake it all around. Gonna take ya! Gonna break ya! Gonna turn you upside down! Gonna burn the place right down! Gonna rock till your head pounds! Uhhh, Yeaaaaah! Come on!

Ares: What do you mean, bustiling into my act?

Strife: Ahh, Unc. We're only trying to help.

Discord: Hmhn.

Kora: Congratulations, you won. Now take your bows and go. People, people. It looks like we, we have a winner.

Hercules: What? No, no. Uh, There's another act. And... it's us!

Iolaus: What?

Strife: Oh, ha, ha, ha. Get outta here!

Iolaus: Whoa, whoa. What do you mean, us?

Hercules: I mean, I mean you singing and me playing.

Iolaus: Oh, no no no Hercules. This is, This is...

Hercules: Iolaus. Iolaus, If we don't do anything, Ares will win. Okay?

Iolaus: But, but, but I can't, but, but, but...

Hercules: But, but, but, but No! Heh, heh, Hi.

Ares: Bring it on, pretty boy.

Iolaus: Excuse me. Sorry.

Hercules: Excuse me.

Girl: Your microphone, Iolaus.

Iolaus: Thank you.


Ares: So what? You figure you're part of the act, you get part of the prize? Well, listen up kids, It ain't gonna happen!

Strife: Come on, Unc, Be reasonable. We had the place rockin'! ha, ha.

Ares: Rockin'? I'll show you rockin'.

Discord: Maybe we'll just leave now.


Hercules: One, two, three, four!

Iolaus: Does anybody know what it's like to be a hero?

Girl: I love you, Iolaus!

Iolaus: Betcha think you're king of the world, but sooner or later, forgot you might drown. That's okay, I can deal with it. Got my friends all around me, and we're gonna have a good time.

Iolaus and Hercules: Gonna make a little noise, gonna get loose with my boys. Gonna shake it all around and take it downtown.

Iolaus: Have a little bit of fun, Gotta grab it on the run. Cause when the morning comes, you'll be up and gone.

Iolaus and Hercules: Here and now, I've got to say, the simple truth won't go away. The way I feel, Just can't describe, the magic when I look into your eyes!

Iolaus: I remember it like it was yesterday. Maybe that's because it happened last week. You pulled me over, read me my rights, It didn't bother me then, but now I'm losing sleep. I'm sure it's already over. She woke up and slammed the door. She said "We're just getting started." Come a little bit closer, gonna take some time. For us to come together, then we'll be just fine.

Iolaus and Hercules: Gotta admit it's getting better in every way, It will all fall into place now any day.

Iolaus: Here and now I've got to say, Make no mistake, Don't turn away.

Iolaus and Hercules: I won't disguise the way that I feel, Just can't believe that you're so real. Here and now I've got to say, the simple truth won't go away. The way I feel, Just can't describe, the magic when I look into your eyes. When I look into your eyes.

Iolaus: It was nothing. It was nothing.

Ares: Can we move this along, please?

Kora: Oh, We're moving, We're moving.

Iolaus: Thank you very much.

Kora: Well, what a show. Let's hear it for all our contestants! And now, for the winner. It's down to two. Do you love... Ares, the God of War?

Ares: YOU ROCK!!!

Kora: Or... Iolaus Hercules, and the Cadets?

Kora: We have a tie.

Ares: A tie? No, no. No ties. There can only be one.

Kora: You can still have first pick.

Ares: I want the crystal.

Hercules: Yeah. You looking for this?

Ares: Give it to me.

Hercules: No! No, because you haven't said the magic word.

Ares: Oh, I'm sorry. How about, uh, NOW!

Kora: Iolaus!

Ares: Run fools. Run from the God of War!

Hercules: Alright. that's it.


Kora: Iolaus, Are you alright?

Iolaus: Ohhh. So cold, so very cold.

Kora: Iolaus, snap out of it!

Ares: So, you finally got a bit of juice. Let's see if I can't squeeze it outta you.

Hercules: Oh yea?

Ares: Typical. You don't know what you got, you don't know how to use it.

Hercules: That's not important to me. What's important is the fact that I have it and you don't.

Ares: Not for long.

Hercules: Yeah? You want to play rough? Well you can say hello to my little friend, mister!

Ares: That is so you. You get your hands on the Cronos Stone, You can't hit what you're aiming at.

Hercules: No, I can. And I did.

Ares: Nooooooooooooooo!

Kora: We'd better get outta here!

Iolaus: Hey, What's the Cronos Stone?

Hercules: It gave my father the strength to defeat the Titans.

Iolaus: No wonder Ares wanted it so bad, Huh.

Hercules: Well he's gonna have to find it first.

Ares: Nooooooooooooo!

Hercules: Yessssssssssss!

Ares: This is not over, Hercules.

Hercules: It never is.

Kora: Could someone please tell me what just happened here?

Hercules: Well, We could try. But...

Kora: While you help me clean up. Heh, heh.

Iolaus: Hey, I bet it was, uh, fun while it lasted. The zzzzt, Power thing.

Hercules: The zzzzt? Yeah.

Iolaus: Kinda like the power I exhibited when I was on stage.

Hercules: What?

Iolaus: The song and I became one, man. I... I was toying with the audience. They were like, kinda like putty in my hands. It wasn't actually fair to the other competitors.

Hercules: Iolaus, all the other competitors messed up.

Iolaus: No, no, no, no. That's what they are telling themselves to hide the pain of losing to me, losing to my beautiful performance.

Hercules: Excuse me.

Iolaus: I think I'm going to change my name. I need like a stage name. Like uh, like "The King". "The King" has a certain ring to it.

Hercules and Iolaus: Here and now I've got to say, the simple truth won't go away. The way I feel, just can't describe, The magic when I look into your eyes!