Iolaus Goes Stag Shooting Draft

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Iolaus Goes Stag

Episode #10
Production #V010

Written by: Jan Strnad

Directed by: Andrew Merrifield

Shooting Draft - September 01, 1998
Pages 1-2, 6, 8, 10, 14-15, 22 - September 30, 1998
Pages 4-4A, 6, 10-12, 16, 18-21 - October 1, 1998
Pages 16-17A - October 7, 1998

Pacific Island Pictures, LTD, All Rights Reserved © 1998

Cast List

Hercules
Iolaus - (ee-OH-lus)
Jason
Kora
Helene/Golden Hind
Artemis - (AR-te-miss)
Flatus - (FLAY-tus)

Set List

Interiors:
Kora's Inn
Cheiron's Academy - Dorm

Exteriors:
Artemis' Temple *
+ Sacred Falls of Artemis *
Woods - Location #1
Woods - Location #2
Woods - Location #3
Woods - Location #4
Woods - Location #5
Woods - Near Artemis' Sacred Grove *
+ Woods - Near Artemis' Sacred Falls *

Teaser

FADE IN:

INT. KORA'S INN - NIGHT

HERCULES and JASON sit at a table. Herc is taking a drink, Jason, takes a bite from a turkey leg. IOLAUS enters behind them, SLAPS them on the back. With the SLAP, Hercules SPIT TAKES and Jason SPITS his turkey onto the table.

IOLAUS
(big pronouncement)
Hercules! Jason! Great news!

Iolaus pulls up a chair and sits between Hercules and Jason. Suring Iolaus' dialogue, Hercules wipes his mouth, then mops the table with a rag. Jason picks up the well-chewed turkey chunk between two fingers, inspects it with disgust, and tosses it over his shoulder.

IOLAUS
I'm a free man! No more exams!
HERCULES
Did Cheiron finally expel you?
JASON
I thought it was the academy or jail?
IOLAUS
(proud)
I got a job -- with my uncle Flatus.

KORA enters bearing a glass of grape juice for Iolaus.

KORA
Who's Uncle Flatus?
IOLAUS
He practically raised me while my dad was out soldiering. I wouldn't be the man I am today without him.

Iolaus notices that his friends aren't as excited as he expected them to be. They mask the sadness at his going with hard questions about his choice.

IOLAUS
What's the matter?
HERCULES
Your Uncle Flatus... what exactly does he do for a living?
KORA
Nothing illegal, I hope.
IOLAUS
My uncle's a hunter, the best in our village! He's gonna show me all the tricks of the trade!
JASON
(skeptically)
You're going to be a hunter?
IOLAUS
Yeah. What's wrong with that?
HERCULES
Going hunting is one thing, Iolaus. Being a hunter, that's something else.
KORA
They're away from their families for weeks at a time...
JASON
...living like beasts...
HERCULES
...grubbing for food...
KORA
...not bathing...
JASON
...becoming like the animals they hunt...
IOLAUS
You don't know anything!

Iolaus gets up and paces, gestures. Some PATRONS sitting near the door look towards it as it OPENS, revealing FLATUS, a large, rotund man. Flatus' hair is tangled and matted, even sports some twigs and small leaves; his boots are muddy; he has a string of dead birds slung over one shoulder.

IOLAUS (O.S.)
My whole village worships my uncle! When he enters an inn, everybody offers him their seat!

As Flatus STEPS INTO THE INN and looks around, the Patrons near the door REACT to his body odor, wrinkling their noses. He strides over to the one vacant chair at the table. He plops the string of birds on the table.

FLATUS
This seat taken?

The TWO PATRONS at that table grimace, stand, and walk off, fanning the air as they leave. Iolaus looks over, sees Flatus, then beams at his friends as he gestures toward him.

IOLAUS
See what I mean?

Flatus spies Iolaus and opens his arms wide. Iolaus does the same as he gets up to go over to him.

FLATUS
Iolie!
IOLAUS
Uncle Flatus!

Hercules, Jason and Kora exchange skeptical looks as Iolaus and Flatus rush toward one another and embrace.

FADE OUT.

Act One

FADE IN:

INT. KORA'S INN - NIGHT

Flatus, Herc, Iolaus and Jason sit at a table littered with empty glasses and dirty plates. Flatus slaps Iolaus on the back.

FLATUS
Yes, little Iolie and I have chased down many a stag together!
IOLAUS
I'm not so little anymore, Uncle Flatus.
FLATUS
No, of course not! Your laundry shooting days are over!
JASON
Excuse me?
FLATUS
We were on our way home from a hunt. Iolie saw his father's long underwear hung out to try. Thought it was a demon from Tartarus. ZING! Shot it clean through!

Flatus, Herc and Jason LAUGH uproariously as Iolaus cringes.

IOLAUS
I don't do dumb stuff like that anymore, Uncle.
FLATUS
Of course not!

Hercules and Jason put on mock-serious faces, shake their heads knowingly at one another. Iolaus glares at them.

JASON
Little Iolie?
HERCULES/JASON
Noooo.

Flatus drains his glass and RISES, patting Iolaus on the shoulder.

FLATUS
(BELCHES)
I bet you bring down the biggest stag in the forest tomorrow!

Flatus strides off.

FLATUS
Till morning!
IOLAUS
Good-night, Uncle!

Kora enters and starts clearing the table.

KORA
So you're going to hunt deer tomorrow.
IOLAUS
It'll be our first hunt together since I was a kid. I want to show him I'm not the goof-up I used to be.

Kora surreptitiously nudges Hercules.

KORA
Maybe you should take along some insurance.
HERCULES
Huh?

Kora shoots Hercules an intense look.

HERCULES
Uh, yeah. Jason and I would love to go.
JASON
We would?
HERCULES
Sure! The three of us on one last hunt together -- it could be our last chance.
KORA
(to Iolaus)
And Hercules and Jason can keep you from doing anything, you know --
HERCULES
Stupid?
JASON
Idiotic?

Iolaus puts his arms around Hercules and Jason, smiles warmly at them.

Iolaus You guys are the best.

Kora motions Hercules aside. They speak privately.

KORA
(worried WHISPER)
Remember Helene?
HERCULES
The Golden Hind?
(smiles)
Sure! Half-deer, half-woman, all gold.
KORA
(worried WHISPER)
She's been seen near here. If Flatus catches sight of her --
HERCULES
(worried WHISPER)
He'll go after her for sure -- like those hunters last time.
KORA
There are so few of her kind left. There's no telling what Artemis would do to anyone caught hunting them!
HERCULES
Where was the Hind seen last?
KORA
Near Artemis' sacred falls.
HERCULES
I'll keep the hunting party away from the falls, but you know Iolaus. He attracts trouble like a dog attracts fleas.
KORA
Something tells me Uncle Flatus attracts both.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DORM - NIGHT

Hercules and Iolaus lie in their bunks. Time for some "lights out" talk.

HERCULES
Iolaus, are you sure this is what you want to do?
IOLAUS
You mean, becoming a hunter?
HERCULES
Yeah. I mean, it's okay. It's just not where I thought we were headed.
IOLAUS
We?
HERCULES
I guess I started thinking of us as a team. You and me and Jason against the world, you know?
IOLAUS
Yeah.
HERCULES
We were going to go out and do great things. Being a hunter's okay, but it's... I don't know. Ordinary.

Iolaus thinks this over for a BEAT, looking for the words to explain this to Hercules.

IOLAUS
Uncle Flatus was always there for me, Herc. When nobody else had time for me, he always did. He made the time. He never married, never had kids of his own. Now he's getting older and, well, I think he needs me.
(beat)
I think maybe I need him, too.

Hercules thinks this over for a beat.

HERCULES
It won't be the same without you, Iolaus. For any of us.
IOLAUS
(quietly)
I know.

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #1 - DAY

Flatus leads Hercules, Iolaus and Jason through the woods. Everyone carries a bow and a quiver of arrows.

JASON
(to Iolaus)
We've been tracking for hours and we haven't seen a thing. Are you sure your uncle knows what he's doing?
IOLAUS
You'll see.

Flatus freezes, SNIFFS. He smiles and proceeds slowly.

FLATUS
(sniffs)
Come on. Quietly.

Flatus studies the ground as he leads the boys a short distance away. He smiles as he finds a pile of deer droppings. He bends and sniffs the droppings, feeing the warmth. Hercules and Jason make "yuck" faces.

FLATUS
Deer spoor. A stag, by the size of it. And judging by the warmth, he's close!

Flatus taps his forehead.

FLATUS
The key to tracking a stag, is to think like a stag! He'll seek out water soon. That's where we'll catch him.

Flatus leads them off. Iolaus shoots Hercules and Jason a look that says, "What'd I tell you?"

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #2 - DAY

Flatus leads the boys along, then stops as they enter a small clearing. He's a bit winded.

FLATUS
(breathing hard)
Good spot for a snare. We'll need some vines.

Iolaus steps forward eagerly.

IOLAUS
Uncle Flatus, why don't the three of us keep following the stag while you set the snare? If we see it, we can chase it back this direction.

Flatus CLAPS Iolaus on the back, rattling his teeth.

FLATUS
Good idea!

Beaming, Iolaus leads Hercules and Jason off while Flatus rips a vine from a tree.

FLATUS
Remember: think like a stag!

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #3 - DAY

Hercules catches up to Iolaus and matches his stride.

HERCULES
Okay, what's the real plan?
IOLAUS
To shoot the stag myself, of course.

Hercules and Jason exchange looks.

HERCULES/JASON
'Of course.'
HERCULES
Iolaus, you don't have to prove anything to your uncle.

Iolaus turns to Hercules, determined:

IOLAUS
Yes, I do. He has to see that all the effort he spent on me wasn't wasted, okay?

Hercules shrugs very slightly, giving in. He's not here to argue. Suddenly Iolaus REACTS to something O.S.:

IOLAUS
There!

We see the STAG, a beautiful specimen, nibbling on some vegetation. Iolaus slowly notches an arrow and takes aim. The stag REACTS, sensing danger, and BOLTS.

Iolaus' arrow lodges in a tree trunk. Iolaus' blood is up! He leads Hercules and Jason after the stag.

IOLAUS
Come on! Don't lose him now!

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #4 - VARIOUS SHOTS - DAY

CUT BETWEEN SHOTS of the boys running through the woods and SHORTS of the stag doing the same but a lot more gracefully. The boys tear at branches and CRASH through undergrowth. The stag leaps easily over bushes and darts between the trees.

IOLAUS/HERCULES/JASON
(ad libs)
There he is!/Don't let him get away!/Where'd he go?

EXT. WOODS - NEAR ARTEMIS' SACRED FALLS - DAY

The boys are wearing out as the stag runs toward the Sacred Falls of Artemis. Hercules grabs Iolaus' arm, stopping him.

HERCULES
Hold on!
IOLAUS
What's the matter?
HERCULES
He's heading for the Falls of Artemis. That's sacred ground.
IOLAUS
So what?
HERCULES
You never know how the gods will take these things.
IOLAUS
Hello? Artemis is Goddess of the Hunt... we are hunting...!
JASON
Hercules has a point. This could be her pet stag or Zeus in disguise or something.

Hercules looks at Jason, who realizes he may have hit a sore point with Herc with the "Zeus" comment.

JASON
Sorry. Anyway, I say we pack it in stag-wise and look for other game.
HERCULES
I saw a rabbit warren back there.
IOLAUS
I am not reporting back to Uncle Flatus with a couple of bunnies!

Iolaus starts to head off alone. Hercules grabs his arm again, but this time Iolaus whirls and shoves Hercules, catching him by surprise. Hercules tumbles. Iolaus stabs a finger at him.

HERCULES
Iolaus --
IOLAUS
I've made up my decision! I'm going on... alone if I have to!
HERCULES
Fine!

Iolaus strides off, exits. Jason gives Hercules a hand up.

HERCULES
We'll follow him at a distance.

Hercules and Jason follow after Iolaus.

JASON
Not letting Iolaus do anything foolish is turning into quite a challenge.

EXT. SACRED FALLS OF ARTEMIS - DAY

The stag walks slowly through the brush, approaching a pond at the base of the water fall. Iolaus stalks the stag. He notches an arrow, pulls back the string... and then a golden light strikes his eye, causing his shot to go wild. Iolaus looks toward the light and sees the GOLDEN HIND picking her way carefully through the brush.

IOLAUS
(stunned, sotto)
The Golden Hind!

He grabs another arrow and notches it.

IOLAUS
This one's for you, Uncle!

Iolaus smiles as he raises the arrow and sights along it toward the Hind. He freezes as suddenly the light goes very weird and energy FLASHES all around and we hear Artemis' enraged VOICE

ARTEMIS (V.O.)
Who dares hunt the Hind in the presence of Artemis?!
IOLAUS
I... I...
(to himself)
I'm toast.

A bolt of the energy that's flashing around strikes Iolaus, turning him into an energy figure that MORPHS into the form of the stag. Another bolt strikes the stag, and it MORPHS into Iolaus. (NOTE: As an alternative to morphing, the energy can CLEAR TO REVEAL Iolaus and the stag in their new forms. But it must be ABSOLUTELY CLEAR that they've transformed into one another.) The Golden Hind watches the O.S. action, frightened. As the ENERGY SUBSIDES, the Hind races off. The stag, which is now Iolaus, shakes its head.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Man, that was close! Artemis must have let me off with a warning!

Stag-Iolaus walks toward the pond.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
And my mouth tastes like the bottom of a bird's nest!

"Iolaus" (Iolaus' body with the stag's mind) is having a fit. He rolls on his back, tries to stand and falls down, rolls around some more before gaining his feet and running off on all fours.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Who's that idiot? And why's he... hey! That's me! But then --!

Stag-Iolaus steps up to the pond and looks in.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Who am I?

Stag-Iolaus sees his reflection in the pond water and freaks. He turns and runs.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Aaaaa!

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #4 - DAY

Jason and Herc react as they spot Stag-Iolaus running toward them.

JASON
There's the stag!

Jason takes out his bow.

JASON
I'll bag it, and Iolaus can claim the credit with his uncle.
HERCULES
Will Iolaus go along with a trick like that?

Jason shoots Hercules a look that says, "Are you kidding?"

HERCULES
Right. Take your shot.

Jason sights down his arrow at Stag-Iolaus, and, we:

FADE OUT.

Act Two

FADE IN:

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #4 - DAY

Stag-Iolaus walks toward Jason and Hercules. Jason aims his arrow at Stag-Iolaus as Hercules watches.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Uh-oh! I've got some faaast explaining to do!

Stag-Iolaus lets out some weird stag SOUNDS.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Big oops. Stags can't talk.

Stag-Iolaus turns and runs as Jason lets his arrow fly. The arrow zips over Stag-Iolaus.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
I'm getting my hindquarters out of here!

Hercules spots "Iolaus" running off on all fours.

JASON
Missed!
HERCULES
Look! There's Iolaus.

"Iolaus" bites at the grass and chews it. He looks up, registering Hercules and Jason, and freezes in mid-chew.

JASON (O.S.)
Why's he eating grass? He doesn't even like lettuce.

"Iolaus" bolts. He runs awkwardly on all fours, then accidently lifts his hands off the ground for a few steps. He finds that this works better and runs off like an ape, back hunched, hands dangling in front of him.

HERCULES
Something's seriously wrong here.
(CALLING)
Iolaus! Hey! Wait!

Hercules runs after "Iolaus" as Jason follows.

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #5 - DAY

Stag-Iolaus walks through the woods.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
So, I'm a deer, and it's deer season. How could things get any worse?

Flatus approaches, bow in hand.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
I had to ask.

Flatus sees Stag-Iolaus. He slowly swings his bow off his shoulder and reaches for an arrow.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Gotta think fast! Okay! I could write my name in the dirt! Nope... no time.

Stag-Iolaus turns and runs.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Running... right! Running is good!

An arrow ZIPS by Stag-Iolaus as he flees.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
No fair! Where's my weapon?

Flatus pursues as Stag-Iolaus runs off.

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #3 - DAY

Hercules and Jason have "Iolaus" backed against a tree or thicket. "Iolaus" is panicked, trapped.

HERCULES
Iolaus, it's us. Your friends.
JASON
He's gone crazy, Herc. Check that look in his eyes.

"Iolaus" tosses his head, snorts, "paws" the ground.

HERCULES
Look out!

"Iolaus" charges Hercules and head-butts him in the mid-section. Jason tries to grab "Iolaus", but he spins, drops to his hands and kicks Jason in the chest, knocking him backward. Hercules and Jason back off, and "Iolaus" makes a run for it.

JASON
Iolaus is taking his uncle's advice to 'Think like a stag' a little too seriously.
HERCULES
It's more than that, Jason. He was acting like this when he came back from the Falls of Artemis.
JASON
You think Artemis messed with his mind?
HERCULES
My guess is, Iolaus stirred up her godly wrath somehow, and this is her revenge. We have to catch him before he disappears into the woods.
JASON
If he thinks he's a stag, we have to catch him like one.

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #3 - LATER

"Iolaus" nibbles at a tree branch. He rips off a twig, chews, it and makes a comic face of disgust. He spits it out, then reacts to the sound of a twig SNAP. Hercules and Jason leap out of the bushes, camouflaged with branches and twigs in their hair and clothes. They chase "Iolaus" toward a particular spot. "Iolaus" trips a trigger and a vine snare loops around his foot and yanks him into the air. He dangles in the air by one foot. "Iolaus BLEATS like a stag. Hercules and Jason look with satisfaction on a job well done.

JASON
What do we do with him now?
HERCULES
What else?

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #3 - LATER

Hercules and Jason laboriously carry "Iolaus" strapped (comfortably) to a pole on their shoulders. "Iolaus'" head is near Jason. Herc stumbles a bit, but recovers well.

HERCULES
How could someone so short weigh so much?

Just then, "Iolaus" nips a bite at Jason, who flinches.

JASON
Ow! Whatever Artemis did to Iolaus, I wish it would wear off.

Suddenly Hercules stops and looks at Iolaus.

HERCULES
(realizing something bad)
Oh, no...
JASON
What do you mean, 'oh, no'?
HERCULES
I just thought of something. Maybe it's more than a curse. Maybe it's a switch.
JASON
Huh?
HERCULES
I mean, maybe that's not just Iolaus acting weird. Maybe that's the stag inside Iolaus' body.
JASON
(realizing)
Which means --

The guys look at each other as the horrible truth hits them.

HERCULES
Iolaus is inside the stag's body --
JASON
-- that Uncle Flatus is shooting at!

Hercules and Jason start double-timing it.

HERCULES
C'mon! We have to find him first.

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #2 - DAY

Stag-Iolaus walks in.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
(panting) I never knew what it was like to have everybody trying to kill you! No wonder deer always look so nervous!
GOLDEN HIND (O.S.)
Help me! Please!

It's the Golden Hind, one rear foot snagged by Flatus' snare. Stag-Iolaus sees her.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
The Golden Hind!

Stag-Iolaus approaches the Hind.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
I wonder if she knows I'm the guy who was trying to shoot her earlier?
GOLDEN HIND/HELENE
(disappointed, angry)
Oh, it's you, isn't it? The one Artemis changed. The human.
IOLAUS (V.O.)
Busted.

Stag-Iolaus studies the snare.

GOLDEN HIND/HELENE
Is this one of your snares?
IOLAUS (V.O.)
If I could talk, I'd tell her how I've lost my taste for hunting anything, let alone Golden Hind.

Stag-Iolaus' hoof kicks at the vine holding the Hind's hoof.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
At least I can lend her a hand -- well, a hoof.

The vine SNAPS, freeing the Hind. She runs off. Stag-Iolaus watches her go.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Don't mention it, goldie. My pleasure.

Stag-Iolaus raises his head, nostrils flaring.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Uh-oh! I know that smell!

Flatus rises from the brush, bow in hand, arrow ready.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Uncle Flatus!

A startled Stag-Iolaus takes in fear.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Sorry I can't stay and chat!

As Stag-Iolaus runs away, Flatus takes a quick, desperate shot. Stag-Iolaus FALLS OUT OF SHOT.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Ow!

Flatus sees the stag on the ground. He smiles and pulls out his wicked-looking hunting knife, starts toward Stag-Iolaus.

FLATUS
You gave me quite a run, stag! Out of respect, I'll make the end quick!

Flatus advances on Stag-Iolaus, who lies there helplessly. He reaches Stag-Iolaus, their eyes meet, Flatus raises his knife.

IOLAUS (V.O.)
Uncle, don't! It's me, Iolaus! Don't!

Suddenly Hercules leaps in from O.S. and slams into Flatus, knocking him away from Stag-Iolaus.

HERCULES
Nooo!

Hercules sits atop Flatus, pinning his hands to the ground. Flatus glares up at him.

FLATUS
I hope you have a good reason for this, boy!
HERCULES
Get ready for a shock.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. WOODS - LOCATION #2 - MINUTES LATER

Flatus kneels, cradling Stag-Iolaus' head in his lap. Flatus is torn apart with grief. Hercules and Jason look on.

FLATUS
My favorite nephew, dying by my own arrow! I'll never forgive myself!
HERCULES
You couldn't know what Artemis did.

Hercules looks around as if searching the treetops for the goddess. He's ticked.

HERCULES
Artemis! Are you watching? Are you proud of yourself?

Jason looks around expecting godly wrath to rain down on them.

JASON
Uh, Hercules. Godly wrath? Remember?
HERCULES
Is this what you wanted, to take an innocent life?

The lighting effect that is Artemis appears. Flatus leaps to his feet, and they all back away a little, worried.

JASON
Here comes the wrath.
ARTEMIS
Your friend hunted the Golden Hind, Hercules. This was his punishment.
HERCULES
He did wrong, but he doesn't deserve to die for it! Change him back!
ARTEMIS
He has learned his lesson, it's true. I can undo the transformation, but it won't save his life.
HERCULES
Do it! At least let him die a man!

The ENERGY FLASHES as before. Bolts strike Stag-Iolaus and "Iolaus". They MORPH back to their normal forms. The stag bounds off into the forest. Flatus rushes over to his nephew, who is still dying.

FLATUS
Iolie, you know I never would have --
IOLAUS
I know.
HERCULES
Can't you heal him, Artemis?
ARTEMIS
No, but there is one who can... though she has little sympathy for hunters.

Everyone looks as Helene cautiously steps through the bushes. They freeze, in awe, as she warily joins them. She pauses in front of Iolaus. Helene kneels and gestures over Iolaus. As her healing power works on him, she says:

HELENE
You risked your life to save mine, Iolaus. You have a brave and caring heart.

Flatus watches as Helene heals Iolaus. Her words make him think.

HELENE
Such character is rare among humans, and sorely needed in this world. Live, and fulfill your noble fate.

Iolaus sits up slowly, astounded. Helene eases back. Iolaus reaches a hand toward her, which startles her.

IOLAUS
Wait! Don't go!

Helene TRANSFORMS INTO THE GOLDEN HIND, to the amazement of all present. Iolaus sadly watches the Golden Hind run off into the woods. Just as she vanishes from sight...

IOLAUS
Thank you.
FLATUS (O.S.)
Iolie.

Iolaus turns to see Flatus regarding him warmly. Flatus opens his arms, they step toward one another and embrace gratefully. But Iolaus is troubled.

IOLAUS
(hesitantly)
Uncle Flatus, about my becoming a hunter...
FLATUS
Don't say it, my boy.

Flatus is beginning to tear up as he holds Iolaus.

FLATUS
Your destiny is far greater than that of a mere hunter. Even a crusty old fool can see that.

Hercules and Jason smile at one another as Flatus and Iolaus part. Flatus holds Iolaus at arms' length, looks him in the eye.

IOLAUS
I don't want to disappoint you.
FLATUS
You never have. You never will.
IOLAUS
If you really need me...
FLATUS
I know. Now come on --

Flatus has his arm around Iolaus' shoulders as everyone heads back toward town. Hercules and Jason walk behind Flatus and Iolaus.

FLATUS
Buy me dinner and I'll entertain your friends with more of your early adventures!
IOLAUS
I'll buy you dinner if you don't!

Hercules and Jason smile at one another as they pass us.

FLATUS (O.S.)
Remember the time you shot your own foot?
IOLAUS (O.S.)
C'mon. I was six. And I seem to remember you restrung the bow too tight.

They all walk off, their voices FADING:

FLATUS
Too tight?! I've never strung a bow wrong in my life?
IOLAUS
That's what Mom said.
FLATUS
Well, she wouldn't know a well-strung bow if she tripped over one!
IOLAUS
(grinning)
Whatever you say, Uncle.

FADE OUT.

THE END