Cyrano de Hercules Shooting Draft
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Cyrano de Hercules
Written by: Carter Crocker
Directed by: Andrew Merrifield
Shooting Draft - May 18, 1998
Full Script - June 04, 1998
Pages 5, 9-9A, 18-19A - June 09, 1998
Pages 18-20 - June 10, 1998
Pages 18-20 - June 11, 1998
Pages 9-10B, 18-18A - July 22, 1998
Pacific Island Pictures, LTD, All Rights Reserved © 1998
Iolaus - (ee-OH-lus)
Hephaestus - (he-FESS-tuss)
Galatea - (gal-a-TAY-a)
Young Woman at Bar (Non-speaking) *
Burly Hairy Soldier (Non-speaking) *
Volcano - Forge
Rocks Below Cliffside Path
Grassy Paddock - Picnic Area
Grassy Paddock - Between Rocky Outcropping & Picnic Area
Paddock - Far Rocky Outcropping
Rope Footbridge (to grassy paddock)
+ Edge of Pond *
INT. KORA'S INN - DAY
A modest-sized crowd, but a lot of background chatter - suggesting people have a good time socializing. At the doorway, HERCULES appears, unwillingly, "escorted" in by IOLAUS & JASON.
Hercules Look, I really son't want to do this.
Jason Come on, Hercules. It's not going to hurt.
Hercules I've never been on a blind date.
Jason We need you. Two guys, three girls...
Iolaus Do the math. (frowns, then) Not that the situation didn't have potential.
Jason elbows Iolaus. Hercules really hates this, but he's being maneuvered closer to one particular table. Three attractive young women, all their ages, are seated: PENELOPE, SABRINA, & TYRA.
Jason (intros all around) Ladies, this is Hercules. Penelope, Sabrina, and... your date... Tyra.
Tyra is especially pretty, but we can tell she hated this blind date business as much as Hercules does. The guys sit.
Hercules It's, um, very nice to meet you.
Tyra Is it?
Herc smiles and swallows hard. This could be a long night.
HEPHAESTUS hurries over to join them, pulling up an extra chair - an awkward set-up. Iolaus looks especially displeased.
Hephaestus What a nice surprise!
Iolaus (muttering to self) Not the words I would have used.
The guys trade awkward looks. KORA arrives with a serving tray; she smirks at the guys' efforts.
Kora (teasing) Well. Looks like some local boys finally got a date!
She leaves the drinks, a bread plate, then leaves. Jason gives her a dirty look, then turns back to the girls:
Jason So. Have you young la--
He;s interrupted as Hephaestus noisily SLURPS his drink. Jason shoots a look at Hercules.
Iolaus How long have you--
Hephaestus again interrupts, crudely reaching in front of Iolaus.
Hephaestus Ah, bread!
As Hephaestus stuffs bread in his face, Iolaus gives Hercules a hard look. The young women look very uncomfortable.
Iolaus (terse whisper) You want to do something about this?
Hercules looks around, full of dread.
Hephaestus (eagerly to the girls) Wanna see a neat trick?
The girls smile, meekly, weakly. Iolaus & Jason shoot Hercules quick hard looks. Hephaestus grabs up everybody's fork.
Hercules (whispers to Jason, Iolaus) Why me?
Iolaus (terse whisper) He's your brother!
We now see that Hephaestus has made a "wind-up waking toy" out of the forks. The little robot-thing walks across the table. The girls grimace, then smile meekly, weakly.
Penelope It's getting a little late, isn't it?
Jason (terse whisper) Hercules, we're losing our dates!
Hercules stands, takes Hephaestus aside.
Hercules Hey, Heph, could I see you a inute?
They head over to the counter. Hercules is awkward about this.
Hercules Look, we, uh, me and the guys, we sort of had some plans for tonight and --
Hephaestus Great, what're we going to do?
Jason & Iolaus come over, not looking very happy.
Hercules (off their looks) I was just about to tell Hephaestus... how much more fun he might have if he had a date of his own.
Hephaestus (bright-eyed) You'd do that? For me?
Iolaus We'd do what?
Hercules shrugs to them.
Hephaestus You'd help me get a date? (before they can object) What wonderful friends you are!
The Young Women are still at the table, sharing impatient sighs. Hercules, Jason, and Iolaus -- well aware that their dates are getting annoyed -- hurry over. Kora pauses in her work to watch:
Jason Look, something's come up.
Jason Give us one minute. We're really sorry.
BY THE BAR/COUNTER - Iolaus eases Hephaestus toward the counter where a PRETTY WOMAN sits alone.
Iolaus All right, make us proud.
Hephaestus (growing nervous) Uh, what do I say first?
Jason joins them as Iolaus gives the guy a gently shove.
Jason Try 'hello.'
Iolaus Then tell her she has great eyes whether she does or not.
But Hephaestus grows nervous as he approaches the girl.
The Woman gives a deadly don't-eve-try-to-pick-me-up look. Hephaestus turns to the guys for advice; Iolaus points -- the eyes! Unfortunately, when Hephaestus is turned away... the Woman leaves and a BURLY HAIRY SOLDIER takes the stool.
Hephaestus (not seeing she's gone) You have very beautiful eyes.
When he turns back, he's shocked to see the Soldier glaring back at him. Jason and Iolaus hurriedly hustle Hephaestus away.
Jason (to Soldier) Sorry, you're not his type.
Iolaus But you do have pretty eyes.
AT THE TABLE - the guys return with Hephaestus. The young women are gone. Kora is cleaning the table.
Jason What happened? Why'd they leave?
Kora Maybe they had better things to do than sit alone all night.
Jason and Iolaus trade looks, then hurry out after them. Hercules is left with Hephaestus.
Hercules Look, Hephaestus. Don't sweat it.
The poor fellow doesn't seem too cheered.
Hercules The guys mean will, but they don't know what they're talking about. You can't make a girl like you.
Hephaestus No. But I could make a girl.
As Kora joins Hercules, they frown at each other.
Kora (sarcastic) Oh yeah, sure...
Hercules (shrugs) He is the god of making stuff.
Hephaestus thinks about this and smiles; he likes the idea.
Hephaestus And you'll help me.
Herc looks worried, miserable.
Hercules Oh, no...
EXT. KORA'S INN - DAY
Hercules walks along with Hephaestus, away from the building.
Hercules Hephaestus, making a girl sounds like an incredibly bad idea.
Hephaestus I can do it.
Hercules It's not 'can,' it's 'should' -- and believe me, you shouldn't. It's wrong.
Hephaestus isn't hearing -- he's too concentrated on the idea.
Hercules A person's too unique, too precious, too complicated -- especially a female person.
Hephaestus But why?
Hercules I don't know. But they sure seem more complicated to me.
Hephaestus But I want to know. what is it in a woman?
Hercules Well... I don't know.
As they're walking, Hercules dones't realize that Hephaestus is trying to pump him for information.
Hephaestus I want to understand. I've lived most of my life alone. I haven't experienced the world like you. So tell me: What makes a woman what she is?
Hercules Hephaestus -- it's anything, it's everything.
Hephaestus What things?
Hercules (at a loss; then) Well... a woman is... smart.
Hephaestus nods - as in, go on, go on.
Hercules A woman knows herself and has a strong will.
Hephaestus again nods eagerly, putting an inventory together.
Hephaestus (to self; eager) Strong like bronze.
Hercules doesn't realize he's feeding Hephaestus exactly the information he wants.
Hercules A woman's senses are amazing. She sees and hears things that a man can't. A woman's heart is pure.
Hephaestus Pure like gold?
Hercules She's caring, generous, full of love and affection.
And on they go, into the distance.
INT. VOLCANO - FORGE - MONTAGE - DAY
Hephaestus uses a bellows to urge the fire on. He gathers supplies: gold, bronze, then begins his work: Sparks fly, coals glow, hammer strikes metal. He's quite an artist. The woman is slowly taking shape. But we see only bits. A foot here. An arm there. Hephaestus is 1,000% consumed by his work.
INT. VOLCANO - FORGE - END OF MONTAGE - DAY
One last tap with a burnishing hammer and...
Hephaestus (to self) It's done.
Now we see the metal girl-statue. It is remarkable. But very METALLIC-LOOKING, very INHUMAN.
Hercules (O.S.) Hephaestus?
Hercules enters the forge area.
Hephaestus Galatea. I'll call her Galatea.
And he sees the girl-statue. He's awestruck.
Hercules You didn't...
Hephaestus looks pleased by the creation.
Hephaestus What do you think?
Hercules It's beautiful. It's perfect.
Hephaestus Not 'it'.' 'She.'
Hercules looks worried - this was what he feared might happen. Proud Hephaestus nods. He picks up a hand-shovel of glowing coals and blows: fiery magic whooshes through the air and rains down on the statue.
Hephaestus It will take a minute. I'll be right back - I have something for her.
Hercules starts to ask Heph to stop, but he's too late - Heph's out the door...
Hercules Wait! (realizes) Oh, well...
Hercules eases over to the statue. He's fascinated by how real the metal looks. He touches her arm, then CLANKS it with his knuckle as if to be sure it is metal.
He leans in closer, inches away, gently touching her cheek with his fingertips. Suddenly she shivers. A startled Herc CRIES OUT and leaps back, tumbling to the floor.