Cram-Ped Shooting Draft

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Cram-Ped

Written by: Hilary Bader

Directed by: Chris Graves

Shooting draft August 19, 1998 - September 29, 1998

Pacific Island Pictures, LTD, All Rights Reserved © 1998

Cast List

Hercules
Iolaus - (ee-OH-lus)
Jason
Lilith
Cheiron - (KYE-ron)
Fiducius - (fi-DOO-shuss)
Cadet #1: Gregor - (GREG-or)
Cadet #2: Pincus - (PINK-us)

Set List

Interiors:
Cheiron's Academy
- Classroom
- Dining Hall
- Dorm
- Empty Classroom
- Fiducius' Office
- Hallway

Exteriors:
Cheiron's Academy
Cheiron's Academy - Dorm

Vocabulary Pronunciation Guide

Phenom - (FEE-nom)
Caleef - (kuh-LEAF)
Carpathian - (car-pay-thee-en)
Mnuemonocles - (new-MON-oh-klees)
Dyphon - (DIE-fon)
Orestes - (or-ESS-tees)
Antiplees - (ann-tip-pleez)
Antillien - (ann-TILL-ee-en)
Cirilian - (sir-ILL-ee-uh)
Hellesta - (hell-ESS-tuh)
Orenga - (or-ENG-ga)
Mentunis - (men-TOON-is)
Eurupar - (you-REW-par)
Sisythile - (SIS-ee-theel)
Andromeda - (ann-DROM-ed-uh)
Aquila - (AK-wuh-luh)
Auriga - (aw-RYE-guh)
Bootes - (boh-OH-tezz)
Borealis - (BOR-ree-AL-liss)
Camelopardalis - (kuh-mel-oh-PAR-dull-is)
Canes Venatici - (KAY-nez ven-uh-TEE-see)
Sygnus - (SIG-nus)
Delphinus - (dell-FI-nus)
Draco - (DRA-koh)
Pegasus - (PEG-uh-suss)
Polaris - (poh-LAR-riss)
Ursa - (ER-suh)

Teaser

FADE IN:

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - CLASSROOM - END OF THE DAY

CHEIRON is finishing up a lecture. FIDUCIUS watches. HERCULES, IOLAUS, LILITH, and other CADETS lazily listen.

CHEIRON
That's all for today. I'm letting you go early --
IOLAUS
All right!!!
CHEIRON
(glaring)
-- so you can have extra time to study for tomorrow's final exams.

The cadets GROAN nervously as they eye each other.

CHEIRON
Fiducius will be proctoring the tests, so I assume you will all be on time.

The cadets GROAN again. Cheiron holds up a stack of TEST SCROLLS, hands them to Fiducius and leaves. A cadet, GREGOR jokingly asks:

GREGOR
Hey, Fiducius. How about letting us have a peek at the tests.

Fiducius hugs the test scrolls tightly to his chest.

FIDUCIUS
If you had been paying attention in class, as I'm sure none of you were, you wouldn't be worried about what's on the test. You'd know it.
LILITH
It was just a joke, Fiducius.
FIDUCIUS
A joke to you, perhaps. But I've seen how the standards of this school have dropped. Especially with certain...
(stares at Iolaus)
...'marginal' types being allowed in.

Herc notices the dig at Iolaus. Then, Fiducius exits, clinging to his scrolls and MUMBLING.

FIDUCIUS
And you can be sure I'll be locking these up someplace where your sticky fingers can't find them.

EXT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DORM - ESTABLISHING - NIGHT

A light shines in the dorm window.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DORM - CONTINUOUS

The Cadets are bustling about breaking into study groups. Lilith, JASON and Herc are approached by Gregor.

GREGOR
Jason, we need someone strong in Battle Science for out study group. You in?
JASON
Hercules is good in Calculation, and Lilith's a Star Navigation 'phenom.' How 'bout if they join, too?

Iolaus walks up carrying a scroll. Gregor notices.

GREGOR
As long as Iolaus isn't part of the package.
IOLAUS
(hurt, but hiding it)
Your loss, not mine. I've got an edge.
(holds up scroll)
A whole year's work boiled down to one scroll of notes. One hour with this, and I'm done studying.

Jason takes the scroll from Iolaus and starts to unroll it.

JASON
Where'd you get this?
IOLAUS
From Caleef, the Carpathian cadet who graduated last year. With Caleef's notes, I'm a shoo-in for highest score.
JASON
Well, I hope you read Carpathian.
IOLAUS
What?

He grabs the scroll. It's in Carpathian. Oh, no.

HERCULES
Come on, Jason, we can't just leave Iolaus on his own.
JASON
I've tried helping him all year. But I need this study time.

As Iolaus walks away, Hercules watches, worried.

JASON
(re: Herc's concern)
Don't worry. Iolaus always finds a way to get by.
HERCULES
That's why I'm worried.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - HALLWAY - NIGHT

Iolaus walks along, staring at Caleef's scroll, scratching his head, trying to decipher the Carpathian. Not looking where he's going, he trips and falls on his face. He looks up he sees he is in front of Fiducius' office. A mental light bulb goes on!

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - FIDUCIUS' OFFICE - NIGHT

Iolaus sneaks into Fiducius' office. He rifles through drawers, the desk, etc., looking for copies of the test.

IOLAUS
(WHISPERS to himself)
Where'd fiddle-face hide those tests?

He moves a framed picture to reveal an archaic safe door with a large LOCK swinging from the hasp. Iolaus takes Fiducius' LUCKY HORESHOE off the wall and shoves it into the lock and tries to pry it open. It pops open EASILY as if it were already broken.

IOLAUS
That was easy.

He opens the safe door and pulls out SOME SCROLLS.

IOLAUS
These aren't the test scrolls.

Iolaus begins to put the scrolls back when something about one catches his eye. He opens it and starts to read. He sees something that disturbs him.

IOLAUS
Don't panic, Iolaus. There's gotta be a way. There's always a way.

He carelessly SHOVES THE SCROLL into the safe and rushes out. A MOMENT. Then Herc sticks his head in looking for Iolaus.

HERCULES
(WHISPER)
Iolaus?

He notices the scroll sticking out of the safe, takes it and begins to read.

HERCULES
'Order of the Magistrate. Regarding probationary cadet Iolaus. Pursuant to original agreement, cadet will maintain a passing grade each term or be returned to for fulfillment of original sentencing.'
(he translates)
If Iolaus doesn't pass, he's going to jail!

OFF Herc's look of total dismay:

FADE OUT.

Act One

FADE IN:

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - FIDUCIUS' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Herc has cleaned up the mess Iolaus left: the scrolls are back in the safe. He closes the safe door and replaces the broken lock, then re-hangs the framed picture over the safe. He rushes out. A MOMENT. The Fiducius steps out from behind a book case. He holds the test scrolls in his hands. It is as if he was expecting Iolaus to try just this kind of thing (and he was). He smirks: It should seem as if he is out to GET Iolaus.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - EMPTY CLASSROOM - MOS MONTAGE - NIGHT

Iolaus is sitting very still at his desk. On the desk next to his is an open scroll. Iolaus surreptitiously reaches under his desk and slides out a mirror on a swivel. He glances in the mirror and begins adjusting it. He frowns. Then he climbs on top of the desk next to his. Reaching up toward the ceiling with a tall stick, he adjusts another mirror which is hanging -- hidden in the rafters -- right above that desk. He sits down and looks in the mirror under his desk. In the mirror, we see a perfectly reflected image of the scroll on the desk next to his. It has a simple drawing on it. Iolaus smiles, satisfied.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - EMPTY CLASSROOM - LATER

Near the water bucket. Iolaus dips a gourd into the bucket and drinks the water, tilting his head back in an exaggerated manner. We see he has inked answers into the gourd and is making sure he can read them.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - EMPTY CLASSROOM - LATER - END MOS MONTAGE

Iolaus is writing answers on the inside of a rope. He ties the rope around his waist like a belt.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - EMPTY CLASSROOM - NIGHT

Finally, we find Iolaus writing in soap on ceremonial shields on the classroom walls. We don't see anything where he has written, but when he BREATHES on the shield, writing appears: All we see at this point is a diagram of a triangle with THETA and OMEGA written in the angles. (Really, it is okay here to use Theta and Omega because in geometry that's what we use to represent unknown angles. Remember 10th grade? Sin (¿)/Cos (¿)=Tan(¿)) Iolaus stares at his handiwork. Satisfied.

HERCULES (O.S.)
I remember teaching you how to do that when you were seven.

Herc steps up to Iolaus.

HERCULES
But it was to send secret messages -- not so you could do this.
IOLAUS
(butter wouldn't melt)
I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just trying to conserve scroll paper. You know how expensive it is.
HERCULES
Did you sleep through ethics class?
IOLAUS
I tried.
HERCULES
Iolaus, if Cheiron catches you cheating it's a one way ticket out of the academy! No second chances.
IOLAUS
I've already got a one way ticket out of the academy if I don't pass my finals.

Herc holds up the Magistrate's scroll.

HERCULES
I know. I read it.
IOLAUS
(lightly)
You should thank me. When I get kicked out of here, I bet Fiducius'll declare a school holiday to celebrate.
HERCULES
Don't even joke about this. Jail is serious.

Iolaus SIGHS. Then Herc and Iolaus begin to remove the mirrors.

IOLAUS
I'm not joking. Fiducius has had it out for me since I got here.
HERCULES
You know, if you worked half as hard at studying as you do finding ways not to study, you'd be a top cadet.

Herc holds out his hand. Iolaus removes the cheating belt and hands it to Herc.

IOLAUS
I came here to learn how to fight, not how to conjugate.
(conjugating, belittles)
'I fight. You fight. He fights. She fights. They fight. We fought.' Who cares? I say just fight.
HERCULES
Combat training is easy for you.
IOLAUS
(easy brag)
I'm a natural.
HERCULES
But you don't like to do anything that's too hard for you. Wouldn't want to pull a muscle in your brain.
IOLAUS
(realizing the insult)
Wait a second. What are you saying? That I can't study.
HERCULES
Can you?

Iolaus knows he's being played here, but he can't stop himself.

IOLAUS
I can study. I can study harder and faster than any of you guys.
HERCULES
Prove it. Meet me in the dining hall. Five minutes.
IOLAUS
Where are you going?
HERCULES
To get help.
IOLAUS
They won't come.

Herc hurries out. Iolaus SIGHS, and follows after Herc. A MOMENT, then Fiducius enters. He begins "cleaning up" after Iolaus, wiping the shields. Checking everywhere for mirrors or other cheat devices.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DORM - NIGHT

Everyone is studying. Herc enters and talks to the whole room.

HERCULES
Listen up, everyone.
LILITH
(sleepily)
What's going on?
HERCULES
We're forming a special study group to help Iolaus.

Another cadet, PINCUS speaks up:

PINCUS
Who's 'we'?
HERCULES
Everybody.
GREGOR
We'd like to help Iolaus, Hercules. But face it, academics isn't his speed. Did you ever think maybe he just...
(taps his head)
...doesn't have what it takes.
HERCULES
Funny, that's what everybody said about you when you couldn't learn how to keep your balance on the vertical logs.
GREGOR
Yeah, but once you showed me that trick you do with your eyes...
(realizing)
It's not the same.
HERCULES
Isn't it? When I helped you, you told me if I ever needed something, I should just ask. Well, I'm asking.

Herc turns to all of the sleepy-eyed Cadets.

HERCULES
I'm asking all of you.

Slowly, GRUMBLING, half the Cadets gather up their scrolls and head for the door.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DINING HALL - MOMENTS LATER

Iolaus is pacing. Herc enters with a group of Cadets. Iolaus' face brightens. Herc steps close to him.

HERCULES
See, I told you they'd come. And they're all excited to be here.
(to Cadets)
Right?

Low MUMBLE. Non-committal.

HERCULES
(harsher)
Right?

Lot of energetic, but phony, "Yeah. Right. We're with you. Onward and upward. Eureka!" Etc. Iolaus sits. The Cadets for a circle around him.

IOLAUS
(excited)
So, where do we start?

The Cadets look from one to the other. They heave a collective SIGH and open their scrolls.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DINING HALL - LATER

Some Cadets have fallen asleep. Others look haggard. Lilith has an open scroll, testing Iolaus. Iolaus stands reciting:

IOLAUS
'Delphinus, Canes Venatici, Aquila, Cygnus...'
LILITH
(excited)
That's right. Keep going.
IOLAUS
(he's stuck)
Um... I forgot the rest.
LILITH
You have to have a system to remember all of them. Like alphabetical order. 'Andromeda, Aquila, Auriga, Bootes.'
GREGOR
No, no, no. There has to be some music to it. And a story.

Gregor begins to SING to the tune of (for now) "Nothing Could Be Finer Than To Be In Carolina." As he sings, the Cadets all stare at him like he's crazy.

GREGOR
'Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, how could anything be fina' with Pol-a-a-a-ris. Pegasus and Draco like to fly across the crown of Bore-a-a-a-lis.
(senses they're staring)
What?
LILITH
You make up a song for everything?
GREGOR
(frowns, uneasy)
Doesn't everybody?

Pincus jumps to his feet and takes a pose like a BIG BEAR. Everyone stares. He GROWLS. Then he pulls Iolaus on his feet and starts posing him like a modern dance choreographer into the same Big Bear pose he was in.

PINCUS
Here, you're a giant bear. Grrrr. Now say it with me.
(growly voiced)
URSA MAJOR!
IOLAUS
(growly voiced)
Grrrr. URSA MAJOR.
(he stops suddenly)
This is just too embarrassing.
GREGOR
Hey, we're not the ones who can't remember a simple list.
HERCULES
What about Mnuemonocle's trick? You make a word out of the first letters of the list. Like 'HOMES' for the five battles of the Antillean War.
LILITH
'Homes'?
HERCULES
Yeah. HELLESTA, ORENGA, MENTUNIS, EURUPAR, SISYTHILE. 'Homes.'

Iolaus explodes.

IOLAUS
STOP! Everybody just stops. My brain is going to explode.
GREGOR
Fine, then learn it your own way. If you can figure out what that is before tomorrow morning.

All except Lilith and Herc start to leave.

HERCULES
You agreed to help.
GREGOR
Forget it, Hercules. I don't care how many favors I owe you, you can't make me stay.
IOLAUS
(really hurt)
You made them come?
HERCULES
'Made' is a little harsh. Influenced?
IOLAUS
(to departing Cadets)
Fine. Go. I don't need to twist anyone's arm to help me.
HERCULES
(to get Iolaus' attention)
Iolaus! We're running out of time here. We have to have a plan.
IOLAUS
(finally giving in)
It's hopeless. Maybe I'm just stupid.
(a moment)

This is where you guys jump in with, 'Oh no, Iolaus. You're not stupid.'

(no reaction)
You don't think I can do it either, do you?

Hercules and Lilith exchange a look.

IOLAUS
(big SIGH)
I'm doomed.

ON HERCULES pondering to himself. "Maybe Iolaus is doomed."

FADE OUT.

Act Two

FADE IN:

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DINING HALL - NIGHT

As before, Lilith, Herc and Iolaus ready to give up. Fiducius, unseen by the gang, is poking his nose in, listening.

HERCULES
Nobody thinks you're stupid, Iolaus. We just don't know what to do next.
IOLAUS
Everyone else has given up on me. You two might as well go to bed too.

Suddenly Fiducius enters in his nightshirt, perturbed.

FIDUCIUS
What are you three doing in here at this hour?

He starts to blow out some of the oil lamps.

FIDUCIUS
Tsk, tsk... The place is lit up like Phoebus' chariot. Lamp oil costs dinars, you know.
LILITH
We were studying for exams.
FIDUCIUS
(looking at Iolaus)
Waste of time. Waste of oil. Waste of effort.

Herc again notices Fiducius' dig at Iolaus. He doesn't like it. When Fiducius starts to blow out another lamp, Herc stops him.

HERCULES
Wait. We're not finished.
(he looks at them)
Are we, guys?

Fiducius' tight wad snootiness has given them renewed energy. They smile at Iolaus.

LILITH
No. We're not.

Fiducius glowers, HARUMPHS, and exits the room.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DINING HALL - LATER

Lilith and Herc are quizzing Iolaus, who is reading a scroll out loud.

IOLAUS
Okay, let's see...
(reads)
'Two chariots leave Rome at sunrise on equinox. One is carrying twenty stone, the other...'

He reads the rest to himself. Thinks. Writes. Hands the answer to Hercules.

HERCULES
Closer than the last time.
IOLAUS
But still wrong. I'm not going to make it.
LILITH
No offense, Iolaus, but I wouldn't bet a Cirilian dinar for your chances.
IOLAUS
Cirilia doesn't use dinars, they use a coin called a mentaph.
LILITH
No they don't.

Iolaus is energized by this little conflict.

IOLAUS
Wanna bet?

Iolaus takes a chain from around his neck. A coin hangs from the end like a charm. He shows it to them.

IOLAUS
(nya, nya, nya)
A Cirilian ten mentaph coin. Pay up, Lilith.
HERCULES
She didn't bet anything.
IOLAUS
Oh, right.
LILITH
Let me see that.
IOLAUS
They started minting them just before the invasion. Cirilia didn't have any gold so they used copper.

As Lilith looks closely at the coin, Iolaus gets close and points out some images on it.

IOLAUS
There's a sheaf of grain representing the lowland farming district, and seven stars for the first seven kings.
LILITH
Pretty. Where'd you get it?

Iolaus grabs it back and puts it around his neck.

IOLAUS
(defensive)
I don't remember.
(a bragging lie)
Probably a gift from one of my many female admirers.

Lilith rolls her eyes. Gives him back the scroll.

LILITH
All right. Let's see where you went wrong. 'Two chariots leave Rome at sunrise on equinox...'

As Lilith and Iolaus bury their heads in the scroll, Herc HEARS:

JASON (O.S.)
Psst!

Herc turns and sees Jason waving at him from the doorway. He walks over. Herc and Jason's conversation is all SOTTO.

JASON
How's he doing?
HERCULES
Not good. I don't know why some things stick in his brain and others don't.
JASON
Has he learned anything?
HERCULES
He can barely add, but for some reason he knows a lot of trivial things about the Kingdom of Cirilia. He's even got a Cirilian coin.
JASON
He must have gotten it from his father.
HERCULES
His father?
JASON
He's a soldier, remember. He's been fighting a war in Cirilia.

Herc and Jason look over at Lilith and Iolaus -- studying.

HERCULES
(CALLING OUT)
Iolaus! What's the snowfall in Cirilia?
IOLAUS
No snow. But they have a monsoon season that lasts three months in the summer.
HERCULES
And the language?
IOLAUS
A mix. Corrupted Egyptian with some tribal dialects.
JASON
Too bad the test isn't on Cirilia.

LIGHT BULB!!! for Iolaus.

IOLAUS
It might be.
JASON
What?
IOLAUS
The last part of the final is the geography exam, right? And it counts for half of your total score.
HERCULES
I know. Cheiron chooses one of the kingdoms we've studied and has us write an essay about it. So what?
IOLAUS
Cirilia is one of the kingdoms we've studied.
JASON
Iolaus, you may know about things, like population, literature, music?
IOLAUS
Population seventy thousand before the war, fifty-five thousand after, including refugees. Zachs the First is the poet laureate, writes mostly poems praising the warriors. Really dry stuff. And the music is all percussion. No strings. No pipes.

Jason, Lilith, and Hercules exchange astonished looks.

LILITH
No wonder you can't learn anything new, your brain is already filled with everything there is to know about Cirilia.
IOLAUS
I'm pretty shaky on the geopolitical stuff. The dates all get blurry. But you can help me if we hurry --
HERCULES
Yeah, but this plan only works if Cheiron chooses Cirilia as the geography question.
IOLAUS
Any better ideas?

The guys think, give each other a look:

JASON
Let's do it.

They clasp hands. Not far away, just outside an open doorway, hidden Fiducius is watching. Listening. Planning.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DORM - DAWN - MOS

Iolaus sits on the floor, legs crossed, eyes closed -- like a Yogi. Jason, Herc and Lilith, holding scrolls, lean over him and SCREAM like drill sergeants into Iolaus' ears. Sleepy Cadets, just out of bed, wander by, pointing and shrugging...

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DINING HALL - MORNING - MOS

Lilith, Jason, Herc and Iolaus in the dining hall -- comically trying to eat and cram at the same time. Jason is using forks, Danish, plates, etc. to lay out a battle and explain an attack. Iolaus -- hungry -- takes a Danish to eat it. Jason SWATS his hand and puts it back in its place in the battle scene. Other Cadets are starting to get into it. Circling the foursome. CHEERING Iolaus. Patting him on the back.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY -HALLWAY - MORNING

As Iolaus walks toward the class, Jason, Herc, Lilith, and other Cadets quiz Iolaus from scrolls.

GREGOR
Capital?
IOLAUS
(rolling his eyes)
Come on, these are baby questions...

They approach the classroom door. Everyone leaves their scrolls on a bench and steps into the class. Iolaus stays behind and starts rifling through the scrolls.

IOLAUS
Wait. Ask me more. Something really hard. I'm not ready. I'm not--

Hercules stays behind with him.

HERCULES
Come on, Iolaus. You don't want to be late or Fiducius will deduct points. And you can't afford to lose any points.
IOLAUS
I'm not going in.
HERCULES
What?
IOLAUS
I can't do this. If I fail they'll be coming after me. If I leave now, I'll get a head start.
HERCULES
You run away from your problems now and you'll be running your whole life.

Iolaus nods. Then, steeling himself, Iolaus (and Herc) walk into the test room. Fiducius steps out from behind a door, carrying the test scrolls. He has been watching all this. He looks a bit too self-satisfied. What's he going to do to undermine Iolaus?

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - CLASSROOM - MORNING

Cheiron stands at the front as Fiducius hands out scrolls.

CHEIRON
The test will be given in five sections. There will be a break before the fifth and final section -- the geography essay -- which will count for half your grade.

Fiducius is checking the Cadets shoes, sleeves for cheat notes. Wiping their arms with wet towels.

CHEIRON
I'm ready whenever you are, Fiducius.

Fiducius stands over Iolaus and scrutinizes him carefully.

FIDUCIUS
You don't know these boys like I do.

Cheiron reacts (raises an eyebrow). Fiducius looks inscrutable.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - HALLWAY - SOME TIME LATER

Herc, Iolaus, Jason, Lilith.

IOLAUS
I used Dyphon's poem to help me answer a couple of the living legends questions. But then I just couldn't remember what rhymed with Orestes. I'm failing. I know it.
HERCULES
Well, don't give up yet. You still have geography.

Fiducius steps up.

FIDUCIUS
Break's over. Back to the test room. Quickly.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - CLASSROOM - DAY

Cheiron stands in front of the class. Fiducius next to him. Everyone -- not just our four heroes -- has fingers crossed. They're all pulling for Iolaus.

CHEIRON
This year's geography topic --
FIDUCIUS
Ahem!

Fiducius whispers something to Cheiron. Cheiron whispers back. Fiducius just shrugs. Herc takes note.

CHEIRON
This year's geography topic: The Kingdom of Cirilia.

A wave of joyful NOISE. Cheiron reacts. What's everyone so happy about Cirilia for? An ecstatic Iolaus throws his quill into the air -- like a midshipman at graduation. Then, ready to go to work, he looks around for it. Fiducius taps him on the shoulder. The Quill is sticking in Fiducius' tea cup like a spoon. Iolaus takes out the pen, wipes off the tea, and throws himself into his work.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - DAY

Jason, Lilith, and Herc wait. Iolaus hurries out, ecstatic.

IOLAUS
I passed!
HERCULES
You did it!
IOLAUS
Yeah! Piece o'cake!
(then realizes)
Well, really it was pretty hard. And we did it. You guys... you know.

Nobody wants to acknowledge the thank yous. They just MUMBLE as Gregor walks up. Jason pulls aside Iolaus for a quick moment.

JASON
I should have been there for you sooner.
IOLAUS
Hey! You were there when it counted. Thanks.
GREGOR
Did you hear? Iolaus is stuck with Fiducius as a tutor for the next three months.
IOLAUS
(bravado)
That's right. I'm being rewarded for being the most improved student of the year.

They all look skeptical.

IOLAUS
Really. It's an honor, not a punishment.

Jason WHISPERS aside to Hercules.

JASON
I wonder if Fiducius feels the same way.

An idea hits Hercules. He frowns, pondering, looking O.S.

INT. CHEIRON'S ACADEMY - FIDUCIUS' OFFICE - DAY

Fiducius is working at his desk. Hercules enters.

HERCULES
Fiducius, Can I come in?
FIDUCIUS
Make it fast. I'm a busy man.
HERCULES
You told Cheiron to choose Cirilia as the geography topic, didn't you?
FIDUCIUS
And if I did?
HERCULES
Why?
FIDUCIUS
To teach your friend Iolaus a lesson.
HERCULES
Then wouldn't you have wanted him to fail?
FIDUCIUS
If he'd failed all he would have learned was that he should have cheated. But in passing -- barely -- because of the one subject where he truly applied himself, Iolaus learned something different. Not that he should have cheated, but that he should have studied harder.

Fiducius goes back to his work. Herc turns to leave, then pauses, turns back toward Fiducius:

HERCULES
Then you don't have it in for him?

Fiducius, hurt by the insinuation, frowns at Hercules.

FIDUCIUS
Why would anyone think that?

Hercules' stunned expression changes to a smile, then he shakes his head as we:

FADE OUT.

THE END