Cold Feet Transcript (Dialogue Only)

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Jason: "It was _not_ my fault. You're the one that challenged the satyrs to a race."

Hercules: "Oh, really-- I think that you're the one that told 'em I'd run through the town naked if we lost. Huh? I am _never_ showing my face in Guilder again, OK?"

Jason: "Ha-ha-ha-- your face wasn't the problem."

Hercules: "Oh-- "

Jason: "Hey-- where are we goin' on the break?"

Jason: and Hercules: "Northern lands-- 'cause they're great!"

Jason: "Where're we goin' on the break?"

Jason: and Hercules: "Northern lands-- 'cause they're great."

Jason: "Where're we goin' on the break? 'Cause they're--"

Hercules: "Hel-lo."

Girl: "I'm from the northern land. I'd be happy to show you around."

Jason: "Oh-- well, that'd be, uh-- great." [Laughs]

Hercules: "That would prove for some great times."

Girl: "You're Jason-- the prince-- aren't you?"

Jason: "Uh, yeah-- I-I am. Right. And-and this is my, uh-- this is my friend, Hercules."

Hercules: "Hi."

Jason: "What are you, uh-- beautiful ladies doin' out all alone?"

Lilith: "Uh, Jason-- hey-- "

Jason: [Interrupts]: "No. No. No. No."

Lilith: "Jason-- incoming."

Ophistus: "Ah-- Jason. I've been looking everywhere."

Jason: "Hello, Ophistus."

Ophistus: "Your coronation date is fast approaching, young prince. You can no longer put off your instruction in royal etiquette. To be king, you must grow up, and-- put aside childish things. Report to me in the morning, and we shall begin."

Lilith: "Whoa-ho-ho-- that guy needs to get a life. I mean, seriously-- any life."

Hercules: "Whoa. Whoa. Hey, listen-- where you goin', huh? Curfew's not for an hour."

Jason: "I got an early wake-up call."

Lilith: "Whoa. What's his problem? Uh-- I mean, I know Ophistus is a drag-- but I thought-- Jason was looking forward to all that king stuff."

Hercules: "Yeah-- so did I. Listen, uh [Whispers]-- Excuse me. Excuse me. [Normal Voice, Laughing] Hi. I'll-- talk to you later. Just keepin' my options open. Yep."

Ophistus: "It's of _utmost_ importance to remember that an ambassador from Cydonia-- must _always_ be greeted with the left hand, and-- and must never be seated, facing south."

Jason: "Why should we respect their customs, huh? They're pirates! They-- they attack their neighbors. They ignore their treaties."

Ophistus: "This is statesmanship, my prince. The formalities are what's important. Great cities have gone to war for less."

Jason: "This is ridiculous."

Ophistus: "Perhaps. But you'd best pay attention. Protocol makes the world go round-- and you're meeting the Cydonian ambassador on your next break."

Jason: "No. No. No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Ophistus-- pal, buddy-- chum-- see, I got plans for the break."

Ophistus: "I'm afraid not. Your royal calendar is booked solid for months-- months-- and months-- and months."

Jason's Voice: "Red squad-- fan out on my signal. We got 'em now. Hercules and his men are holed up inside."

Jason: "We're gonna crush 'em. Fern's up."

Lilith: "I surrender!"

Hercules: "Well-- looks like we got you surrounded, huh? You fell for the dummy-- dummy!" [Laughter]

Jason: "Hey."

Hercules: "Yeah!"

Jason: "This isn't funny."

Hercules: "Whoa-- it's just a game, Jason."

Jason: "It's _not_ just a game! I'm gonna be the king of Corinth! This is real!"

Lilith: "Whoa-- what's his problem?"

Hercules: "He's just got a lot on his mind-- ya know? He just needs to work it out."

Act One

Ophistus: "Prince Jason! Where are you?! Prince Jason!"

Lilith: "In your face, son of Zeus!"

Ophistus: "Have you seen Jason this morning?"

Hercules: "W-we thought he was you, doin, uh-- "

Lilith: "More royal shoe-tying lessons?"

Ophistus: "Oh, by Zeus, it's true! The prince has been kidnapped!"

Hercules: "Kidnapped."

Ophistus: "It was my responsibility to raise a good king. I made a promise to his father!"

Hercules: "Oh-- kidnapped-- that-that's crazy talk."

Ophistus: "Jason is gone. What other explanation is there?! I must return to Corinth at once. Uh-- prepare a ransom! Organize a rescue party! Post a reward! Oh!"

Lilith: "You really think Jason's been kidnapped?"

Hercules: "No-- but, uh-- I have a pretty good idea where he is."

Lilith: "Uh-huh?"

Hercules: "Yeah."

Lilith: "Ha-ha-ha-- you think maybe we could get that reward? Ooh, that is, after we make sure he's OK and everything. You know?"

Hercules: "Yeah. Yeah, I know."

Lilith: "Whoa-a-a-a-a!"

Jason: "Whew."

Woman: "Ooh-- a customer. Hello, how ya doin'? Haa-- hee-- hi."

Jason: [Interrupting]: "Oh-- thanks. Worked up a real thirst comin' from the south."

Woman: "Oh-- need a tour guide?"

Jason: [Interrupting]: "No, no. No, thanks, creepy lady. Bye. Uh."

Woman: "Bye."

Jason: "Ah-- let me help you here. Ready?"

Balan: "Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Thank you, young man. My name is Balan. And this is my daughter-- Pelia."

Jason: "Hi-- how ya doin'?"

Balan: "I don't believe I've seen _you_ in these parts before?"

Jason: "I'm just, uh-- just passin' through."

Pelia: "Ooh-- "

Balan: "Uh-huh."

Pelia: "-- nice boots for a wanderer. Is that Corinthian leather?"

Jason: "Uh-- I don't know. They-- they were a gift."

Balan: "It'll be dark, soon. Do you have a place to spend the night?"

Jason: "No, that's-- that's fine. I'm just-I'm just gonna go."

Balan: "Nonsense. In exchange for your help-- you'll be my guest for dinner. And I have a nice, warm barn, so you don't have to sleep in the weather."

Pelia: "My father doesn't take 'No' for an answer."

Jason: "Oh."

Balan: "Then it's settled."

Jason: "I've never seen lakes so blue in all my life. We didn't know where the-- water ended and the sky began."

Pelia: "You've been so many places. I've always dreamed of travelling."

Jason: "Well, what's keepin' ya?"

Pelia: "Well, I had some money saved to travel-- but we had a bad harvest one year-- and then Mother died. And there's so much to be done around here."

Balan: "Hmm. Where are you off to next, Jason?"

Jason: "Um-- I'll probably just go to bed. Uh, I don't know. I'll just keep walkin' around."

Balan: "We could really use an extra hand around here-- at least through the harvest. The work's hard, but-- we like it. What d'ya say?"

Jason: "I'd love to."

Lilith: "Spending our break looking for Jason? Ha-ha-- I mean, are you sure we're going the right way?"

Hercules: "No-- I'm not."

Lilith: [Laughs]

Hercules: "Jason said he wanted to go to the northern lands."

Lilith: "Yeah, well I hope he realizes what great friends he has-- especially when he's choosing-- ambassadors."

Hercules: "Uh-- you know? You're startin' to sound _exactly_-- like Iolaus."

Lilith: "Is that a bad thing?" [Laughs]

Hercules: "Ah-- hah. Yes. Ah."

Pelia: [Slowly]: "Here we go-- come on."

Woman's Voice: "Celebate!"

Pelia: "Dance?!"

Jason: "No, no, no-- I'll just watch."

Pelia: [Interrupting]: "Come on! No excuses!"

Jason: "No. Ahhhh." [Laughs]

Jason and Pelia: [Cheer]

Jason: "Yeah! Whoa! Whoa! Oh-ho. Oh-- that was fun."

Pelia: "Wow, those boots of yours could show me a thing or two."

Jason: "Well-- I have a great dancing partner. Ah-- man, I like it here."

Pelia: "Hmm."

Jason: "Whew-- this is the life-- hard day's work-- good night's sleep. A little dancin' thrown in. Huh? Ha-ha-ha. My old life was startin' to get so complicated. Whew."

Pelia: "Oh-- well, you think this life is simple? You have no idea of the decisions-- the risks."

Jason: "Like what?"

Pelia: "Well-- if we plant too early-- we miss the rain. Nothing grows, and we go hungry. If we plant too late, we miss the market. Nothing sells, and we go poor. What if there's an early frost? What if we don't have enough hands at harvest?!"

Jason: "OK. All right. See your point."

Pelia: "The work's the easy part."

Jason: "No, it's not that easy."

Pelia: "It's Daptes. Father, father! Come quickly!"

Daptes: "Where's your payment, Balan?"

Balan: "Please-- Daptes-- we-we-- we-we had a poor harvest. I have only enough for my family and-- "

Daptes: "I don't want excuses! I want payment! You _know_ the penalty!"

Jason: "Leave him alone!"

Daptes: "Insolence! You've earned yourself an early grave."

Act Two

Daptes: "I don't know who you are! And I don't care."

Pelia: "Please, Daptes-- my cousin's only just arrived. He doesn't know about the payment."

Daptes: "Be sure you teach him. Yah! Come on! Hah!"

Pelia: "You're hurt, Father. Sit down here."

Jason: "How long has this been goin' on?"

Pelia: "For years. He used to come once a season, but-- now-- "

Jason: "King Laetes should put a stop to this. He's an honorable man."

Pelia: "Honorable? We beg for his help, but it never comes. He doesn't care about us."

Balan: "Unless we don't pay our taxes on time."

Jason: "Why don't you fight Daptes?"

Pelia: "Don't you think we've tried?"

Jason: "Listen to me. You don't have to live in fear of Daptes. I can teach you how to fight. Your cause is just. You must take a stand for yourselves-- and for your neighbors. Are you with me?"

Villagers: "Yes!"

Jason: "Pair off for hand-to-hand drills. Hey."

Pelia: "Who in Tartarus do you think you are?"

Jason: "What are you talkin' about? I'm-- I'm tryin' to help. I thought you'd be happy."

Pelia: "Happy? This isn't your home, Jason. These aren't your people. You're a good man, but what you're doing can get people killed. You're just passing through. You mess up-- then we have to live with it."

Jason: "Seems to me that you got a lot to live with right now. The others are behind me. I know what I'm doing."

Pelia: "I hope so."

Lilith: "I do _not_ understand what Jason's problem is. I mean, why'd he run away like that?! The guy has _so much_ to look forward to."

Hercules: "Yeah, but, maybe it's too much-- you ever think about that? Huh? I mean, people expect a lot of that kid."

Woman: "Yeah, there we are-- "

Hercules: "Ah, well. Hello, there. [Chuckles] We're actually lookin' for our friend. We think he may have passed by here. He's, um-- well, he's about that tall-- and, uh-- dark hair-- oh-- oh. There you go."

Woman: "Tall, dark, and handsome, you say? Ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Hercules: "Handsome? Yeah. Yeah."

Woman: "You did say, 'Handsome'-- handsome!" [Laughs]

Hercules: "Oh-h-h-h-- ho-ho-ho-ho-ho."

Lilith: "Ah-- so, which way?"

Woman: "North."

Hercules: "Oh. Hey-- thank you."

Woman: "Business before pleasure, handsome."

Hercules: "Oh. [Chuckles] Um-- "

Lilith: "Let's get out of here. Run."

Man's Voice: "They're coming!"

Jason: "Go. Go. Go."

Man's Voice: "Everyone!"

Balan: "We have nothing for you, Daptes."

Daptes: "What do you mean, you have nothing for me?"

Jason: "There's not gonna ber any more payments."

Daptes: "You don't learn your lessons very well, do you, Cousin? Well, perhaps you need another example."

Jason: "Take your men and get out of here. Now!"

Daptes: "You'll pay for this. All of you will pay for this! This isn't over, Cousin!"

Balan: "Yes. Yes!"

Villagers: [Cheer]

Daptes: "Come on!"

Jason: "I'm glad to see that you came around."

Pelia: "Fight's gonna happen with or without me. I can't just stand around and watch."

Jason: "Sometimes ya have to take a stand and fight for what you believe in."

Pelia: "We tried that, years ago. It didn't work. All that happened was it stole what was left of my father's spirit."

Pel's Voice: "What if Jason's wrong? We could lose everything."

Balan: "I share your worries, daughter. But give this young man some credit. He's a-- a leader-- and with his help-- we have a chance-- a real chance to break free of Daptes."

Pelia: "Well-- I haven't heard you talk like that in a long time."

Balan: "I haven't felt like this in a long time."

Pelia: "Movin' on?"

Jason: "I'm gonna face Daptes alone. I'm the one he wants anyway."

Pelia: "No. Look-- it might stop the attack-- but it won't solve the problem. You've given these people hope, Jason. They haven't had that in years. And you can't just yank it away."

Jason: "I can if it'll save lives."

Pelia: "Yeah, well, maybe you should've thought of that before. Now, they're ready to make a final stand-- and they need a leader. They need you. Please."

Warrior: "There's nobody here, Daptes!"

Daptes: "Cowards! They've run off! Burn it down!"


Daptes: "Not bad for a farmer. I could use someone with your skill."

Jason: "Don't even ask. Hercules!"

Hercules: "How ya doin', Jason?"

Jason: "Go right!"

Hercules: "Come on!"

Jason: "No more payments! You're going away for a long time. Get him outta here!"

Hercules: "Hey."

Jason: "Hey, thanks for coming, guys."

Hercules: "Hey-- we're always there for you-- you know that."

Lilith: "Hey, friends till the end-- OK?"

Ophistus: "You're safe, young prince!"

Pelia: "Prince?"

Ophistus: "Ah-- are these the scum who kidnapped you?!"

Jason: "Yeah, Daptes and his men. Yeah, take 'em-- take 'em to King Laetes for punishment, please."

Ophistus: "Go."

Soldier's Voice: "Yes, sir."

Ophistus: [Sighs]: "And now-- your education. We've lost days. We haven't touched upon official posturing. Not to mention-- "

Jason: "Oh. Um-- we'll do that later-- OK? OK. Great. Pelia-- I'm sorry. I guess I wanted you to like me without knowin'."

Pelia: "You gave my father back everything. You'll be a great leader, Jason. You already are."

Hercules: "Knock, knock. Hey, uh-- we should get going."

Lilith: "It's a long walk back."

Pelia: "Go be great."

Jason: "Thank you-- for everything."

Hercules: [Clears throat]: "Uh."

Jason: "Party at my palace!"

People: [Cheer]