Amazon Grace Transcript (Dialogue Only)

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« Back to "1.09 - Amazon Grace"

Teaser

Jason: "They thought everything was quiet-- and then it came again-- that eerie, scrathing sound. So the knave and the maiden sped off in the chariot. And when they got home-- they found the monster's hook-- _stuck_ in the side of the chariot! Rrrrahhhhhhh!"

Hercules: "Last time I heard that, it was a farm boy and a peasant girl in an oxcart."

Iolaus: [Laughs] "You know, I got a scary, too. Takes place in a-- forest-- not unlike this. In fact-- it could be on this very path. There were-- two, no, there were three young warriors returning from Troy."

Hercules: [Interrupting] "Right. OK. Uh-huh?"

Iolaus: "Then they heard this noise [Screeching sound in background]-- kinda like that."

Hercules: "What was it-- a Minotaur, or a Cyclops or somethin'?"

Iolaus: "Yeah, your-your stomach growling?"

Iolaus: "A-ha! No-- it was harpies-- half-women-half-bird-beasts that-- swoop down and-- tear the flesh from your bones."

Jason: [Mockingly]: "Did they have-- feathers-- like-like armor?"

Hercules: [Mockingly] "W-- was it impossible to kill?"

Iolaus: "Yeah, yeah, yeah-- laugh all you want. I swear it's true-- swooped right down on them-- on the path."

Hercules: "Hey-- Iolaus. Iolaus!"

Iolaus: "What?"

Hercules: "You sleep through scouting class? That marker means, ‘No trespassing'."

Iolaus: "So? It's a shortcut. What? Son of a god and future king are a little scared?"

Jason: "I don't break laws just ‘cause it's convenient."

Hercules: "Wait up [?]."

Iolaus: "Oh."

Hercules: "We'll meet you back at the academy, all right?"

Iolaus: "OK, well, I'll see you later-- you chicken."

Iolaus: "Ooh. Ow. Ooh. Whoa! Whoa! Harpies?"

Iolaus's Voice: "Hercules?!"

[Fight]

Iolaus: Ooh! Oh!"

Hercules: "Iolaus!"

Jason: "Nice shorcut, Iolaus!"

Cyane: "Hercules? Ah."

Hercules: "Cyane."

Iolaus: "Amazons?"

Cyane: "Uh-- you can-- let me up, now."

Hercules: "Oh. Yeah."

Cyane: "OK."

Act One

Jason: "Hey, listen up, everybody. Excuse me-- guys? OK-- now that we have everyone's complete attention, I'd like you to meet some friends of ours."

Hercules: "Fellow cadests-- this is Cyane. She's, uh, the leader of the Amazon tribe."

Iolaus: "And you guys said we couldn't meet any girls."

Cyane: "Who's in charge, here?"

Simula: "There she is."

Male Voice: "Ah-- [Clears throat]"

Cyane: "We are honored to meet someone who has undertaken the difficult task in turning these boys into warriors."

Lilith: "Oh-- I'm not master of this academy. I'm Lilith. I'm a cadet."

Cheiron's Voice: "Why do I not hear the sounds of practice?"

Simula: "Oh-- he sent a centaur to announce his arrival. Personally, I find them lowly _beasts_-- but they make good servants."

Hercules: [Clears throat, then whispers] "Uh-- Cheiron is our leader."

Simula: "A centaur?"

Cheiron: "At your service."

Hercules: "Cheiron, um-- I've offered Cyane our hospitality in their search for a new homeland."

Cheiron: "You are welcome. The ancient feud between centaur and Amazon is best left in the past."

Cyane: "We accept your offer, Centaur. Our fight is with the accursed Zeus, and not with you."

Hercules: "Uh-- you know, I heard that Zeus can actually be a good guy-- well, once you get to know him."

Lilith: "Come on. I'll show you guys where you can put your gear."

Iolaus: "Uh-- can I get that for you? Oh! Ah! Ooh. You see that? That was a _love_ tap. She _likes_ me some."

Jason: "I don't know. I think I'd-- go with Hercules' technique of-- keepin' a sense of mystery."

Iolaus: "Mystery? Oh, _you_ haven't told her that Zeus is your father, have you?"

Hercules: "I will, OK?"

Jason: "And when would that be?"

Hercules: "When the time is right. Excuse me."

Iolaus: "Yeah, right."

Hercules: "Well-- that concludes the first part of our tour. Anybody have any questions?"

Lilith's Voice: "Pass it here!"

Cyane: "Is that a pig's bladder they're kicking?"

Hercules: "Uh-- uh-- yeah-- it's filled with water. It's one of Cheiron's foot drills."

Jason: "You guys wanna give it a try? A little, uh-- coed competition?"

Hercules: [Laughs] "I don't think that's a good idea, Jason."

Iolaus: "Come on-- girls against guys."

Cyane: "Is she one of the guys?"

Iolaus: "Uh, she's a-- she's-- "

Lilith: "A cadet. Let's play."

Jason: "Whoa-- whooooaaaaaa-- Herc!"

Cadets' Voices: "All right." "I got it."

Iolaus: "Go, Herc!"

Jason's Voice: "Cross it! Hercules, cross it!"

Cadet's Voice: "Pass it! Pass it over here, Hercules! Pass it on!"

Hercules: "Oo-oop! Oh!"

Cyane: "Is this how it's played? Excellent move-- worthy of an Amazon!"

Cadet's Voice: "Pass it back."

Iolaus: "Hmm."

Lilith: "Come on. Come on."

Jason: "Lilith!"

Lilith: "Jason!"

Cadets' Voices: "Yeah!" "Yes!" "All right! Stay behind the wall!" "Pass it! Pass it!" "I got it! I got it!" "Nice play!"

Iolaus: "OK [Clears throat]-- let's call it a tie."

Cyane: "Have you seen Hercules?"

Lilith: "No. Care to join me in my javelin drills?"

Cyane: "Sure. So-- why do you train with-- boys?"

Lilith: "Well-- I wanted to be a warrior. There was no academy for women, so I came here. It's the best. I'm just having a little trouble fitting in."

Cyane: "An Amazon warrior takes pride in who she is, now how she fits in with others."

Hercules: "Whoa! I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Cyane: "Hercules-- I've been looking for you. There's something I have to tell you."

Hercules: "Well, good-- I've been lookin' for you, too."

Cyane: "Last night, Ares gave Simuler [sic] a sign in her dreams-- a land we can settle as our own, about a-- day's ride to the northeast. So, tonight, there's gonna be a big celebration."

Iolaus: "Ooh, did I hear, party? I'm there."

Cyane: "And for one cadet volunteer, it's gonna be a very special evening."

Iolaus: "Uh, uh, and-- that-- would be me."

Jason: "Well, I guess you haven't found the right time to talk."

Hercules: "Not with you too butting in all the time."

Iolaus: "Hey." [Ja and H laugh.] "What? Come on, they painted me to represent the male in the Amazon culture. It's colorful."

Hercules: "Yeah, and practically useless."

Jason: "Oh, they couldn't have found a better representative."

Cyane: "Hey, Hercules-- dance with me?"

Hercules: "Oh, huh! I don't think so. You see, I'm more of a fighter-- not really a dancer."

Cyane: "Oh-- well, you can't fight me, because you'd lose. Come on!"

Hercules: "OK."

Jason and Iolaus: "Ooh."

Iolaus: "Hey-- check this out. So-- what's your sign."

Amazon: "‘No trespassing.'"

Jason: [Laughs] "He shoots-- he misses!"

Iolaus: "Ha-ha! Well, I don't see _you_ with anybody."

Jason: "Well, that's ‘cause they're Amazons. If they were any other type of woman-- they'd be all over me."

Iolaus: "Yeah, whatever. Well, it looks like Herc's doin' OK."

Jason: "Yeah, he is."

Hercules: "Listen, I, um--got som'in' I wanna tell you before you leave."

Cyane: "Well-- go ahead. You don't have to be shy with me."

Hercules: "Zeus is my father."

Cyane: [Laughing] "Oh, yeah-- very funny. You _know_ how I hate Zeus."

Hercules: "I tried to tell you."

Cyane: "You're not kidding."

Hercules: "Cyane--"

Cyane: "What part of your father's plot is all this?"

Hercules: "Listen-- "

Cyane: "No!"

Hercules: "Cyane! I'm not like my father! My-- "

Cyane: [Interrupting] "Yeah, well, I don't believe you!"

Iolaus: "Bad luck, big guy."

Jason: "Ahh, don't worry about it, Hercules. She would've found out anyway."

Cyane's Voice: [Screams]

Hercules: "What's goin' on here?"

Leeseus: "I'm Leeseus-- the king of Athens. This woman belongs to me."

Act Two

Leeseus: Hold it-- right there!"

Jason: "Leeseus."

Leeseus: "Jason, my old friend."

Iolaus: "Whoa, did I miss something?"

Jason: "This is Hercules-- one of the best fighters at the academy."

Hercules: "We've met."

Jason: "And Iolaus."

Iolaus: "Hey."

Leeseus: "So, Jason-- how the heck are you?"

Jason: "I'd be better if you didn't have that woman stuck in the net."

Leeseus: "Don't be concerned-- it's a minor matter. They're runaway slaves."

Cyane: "We belong to no one."

Hercules: "They were tricked. They were captured by Zared and his pack of slavers."

Cyane: "I have Zeus to thank for this."

Cheiron: "You're forgetting, Leeseus. As guests-- the Amazons are under the protection of the academy."

Leeseus: "Ah-- you must be Cheiron. Your reputation for bravery and wisdom is well known. Don't get involved in this. If you do-- I would be forced to destroy your academy."

Hercules: "Wait. This is all my fault. I invited Cyane here."

Leeseus: "Good-- then you can uninvite her and the matter is settled."

Iolaus: "Whoa, you can't take the Amazons! No one should be anyone else's property!"

Jason: "Leeseus has a contract. In the eyes of the law he's right."

Cyane: "But the law is wrong!"

Cheiron: "Allow us 24 hours to offer an answer."

Leeseus: "Fine-- 24 hours-- but it'll do ya no good."

Iolaus: "Slavery's wrong, Jas-- what's your problem?"

Jason: "Without laws, all people are slaves to chaos."

Jason: "Here are the scrolls."

Hercules: "Is that all there is about combat by champion?"

Iolaus: "What? This isn't enough? Come on, there's gotta be something there we can use against, uh-- Jason's old buddy."

Jason: "It may be wrong, Iolaus, but the law is on his side, and you can't just ignore the law."

Iolaus: "Oh, yeah? Watch me!"

Jason: "Oh, yeah?!"

Iolaus: "Yeah!"

Jason and Iolaus: "Ooh!"

Hercules: "Can you guys just knock it off, please?! I'm gonna need both of you if this is gonna have any chance to work."

Hercules's Voice: "I think I have a solution. You were right when you said that we should obey the law."

Hercules: "But-- you were right when you said that people should not be slaves. Therefore, a fair solution is-- the tradition of champions."

Hercules's Voice: "Combat by champions is a test of skill on the ropes."

Hercules: "First one to knock their opponent to the ground, wins. Now-- if it's Leeseus' champion-- the Amazons become his servants, but-- if it's Cyane's champion-- the Amazons go free."

Cyane: "I don't need a champion. The queen of the Telaquire Amazons fights her own battles."

Hercules: "Leeseus?"

Leeseus: "Yes, I'd like a champion. I choose-- you, Hercules."

Iolaus: "What?"

Jason: "Hercules?"

Hercules: "Me as your champion?"

Leeseus: "You wanted the rules of champions. By the way, you know, if you lose-- you serve me in place of the Amazons. That's how it works."

Lilith: "Can he do that?"

Jason: "Don't worry. Hercules knows what he's doin'."

Hercules: "Well-- we're all agreed. I'm ready to start."

Cyane: "I warned you. You don't wanna fight me. You'll lose."

Cheiron: "Begin."

[Fight]

Leeseus: "Come on, Hercules!"

Lilith: "Wow-- Cyane is an _incredible_ warrior."

Cyane: "If ya haven't got the heart for battle, you should never have agreed to be champion."

Hercules: "Well-- it seemed like a good idea at the time."

Simula: "Come on, Cyane!"

Cyane: "Ha-ha. Ha!"

Jason: "Yes."

Iolaus: "Yeah."

Leeseus: "Well, Jason-- you were right, as always. He's a worthy champion. Well done, Hercules. Pack your things, ladies."

Iolaus: "Uh-- just a minute, Leeseus. I-- think you're forgetting something."

Leeseus: "And that would be?"

Hercules: "The rules of champions? You see, I win-- I get a reward."

Leeseus: "Reward. What're you talkin' about?"

Jason: [Interrupting] "It's in the scroll. Sorry about that-- rules are rules."

Leeseus: "What do you want? Land? Money? A new wing on the academy?"

Hercules: "Abolish slavery in Athens."

Leeseus: "Y-- you can't ask for that. The Amazons will go free."

Hercules: "Read the law. I can ask for anything I want."

Jason: "Hey-- you remember that one time, your chariot beat mine? You told me, great kings learned from their losses."

Iolaus: "And, today was a very expensive lesson."

Hercules: "I assume you're eager to settle your new homelands?"

Cyane: "Yeah-- it's gonna be a long, hard journey."

Lilith: "Hey-- I would _love_ to join in that journey-- if you'll-- have me. "

Cyane: "Well, of course-- you're welcome."

Lilith: "Ohh. Yes."

Hercules: "But she just got here."

Jason: "Women-- they keep you guessin'."

Lilith: "Cheiron-- I'm only sorry my training with you will end."

Cheiron: "Every beginning starts at another beginning's end. May you find what you seek with the Amazons."

Cyane: "You know, I never thought I'd say this to a man, Hercules. You've taught me a lesson-- not to-- judge the son by the father."

Simula's Voice: "Sisters! We leave now!"

Hercules: "I hope our paths cross again."

Cyane: "I do, too."

Iolaus: "You know? Guys-- I think I learned something from all this."

Hercules: "You?"

Jason: "What's that?"

Iolaus: "This body paint is really hard to get off."