1.10 - Cyrano de Hercules

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Screencap
Title Cyrano de Hercules
Episode # Season 1, Episode 10
First aired September 29, 1998
Directed by Andrew Merrifield
Written by Carter Crocker
Summary The guys try to teach Hephaestus about girls. Heph makes himself a girlfriend, but she starts falling for Herc instead.


FoxKids Spoilers

  • Longing for companionship, Hephaestus forges himself a gold-plated girlfriend named Galatea. When Hephaestus realizes that his creation has fallen in love with Hercules, he uses Olympian ice to turn Galatea's heart cold. In an instant, Galatea becomes a single-minded metal monster determined to destroy Hercules.
  • Unable to attract the interest of the opposite sex, Hephaestus (Jason Hoyte) decides to build a woman (Anna Weinberg) of his own, but she falls for Hercules.

TV Guide Promo

  • Hephaestus is lonely so he builds himself a woman. The problem comes when she falls for Hercules instead of him.

Synopsis

Title card - End credits can be found here.

      Fade in on Kora's Inn. The place is bustling, as usual. Hercules, Iolaus, and Jason enter, however Hercules balks and is pushed forward by Jason and Iolaus. Hercules is nervous, explaining that he's never been on a blind date before, and Jason explains that there're three girls and they need him to be their third guy. "Not that the situation didn't have potential," Iolaus says, doing some last-minute preening.

      They arrive at a table where three girls are sitting, and Jason introduces Hercules to Penelope, Sabrina, and Tyra. Despite having been told that Tyra will be his date, Hercules makes a bad impression by accidently sitting next to Sabrina, and Iolaus swats him to get Herc to move next to Tyra, as Iolaus sits by Sabrina and Jason takes the place next to Penelope. "Nice to meet you," Hercules greets his date, but Tyra is a bit stand-offish, "Is it?"

      Hephaestus walks in, and immediately heads towards Hercules, Jason, and Iolaus. Kora swings by, teasing the boys about finally getting dates. Jason and Iolaus each try to start conversations with their dates, only to be interrupted by an oblivious Hephaestus, who takes some silverware and, without looking, sculpts them into a tiny blacksmith pounding an anvil. Iolaus tells Hercules to 'deal' with Hephaestus.

      Hercules draws Hephaestus over to the bar, and explains to him that the guys are on a date, which Hephaestus takes to mean that they'll help him find a date also. Unable to say no, the boys spot a girl sitting alone at the bar, and give Heph an impromptu lesson on how to pick up a girl.

      Hephaestus walks up to the girl and (with a lot of prompting from the boys) gives her a sleazy "Helloooooo." She glances at him and looks away. Hephaestus glances back at the boys for more encouragement, and while his head is turned the girl walks away, and a large brute of a man in an officer's outfit takes her seat at the bar. Hephaestus tries out his pick-up line, "You have very beautiful eyes," before realizing that the girl is no longer there, and the man glares at Heph as Heph backpedals to rejoin the guys, who quickly apologize for Hephaestus’s behavior, "But you do have pretty eyes!" Iolaus comments as they back away.

      Iolaus and Jason head back to the table, but the girls are gone and Kora is cleaning up. She tells them that the girls left. Jason and Iolaus decide that they can still catch up to the girls, and they run out the door.

      Hercules tells Hephaestus that they mean well, but they don't really know what they're talking about when it comes to girls. He tells Hephaestus that he can't make a girl like him, which gives Heph the idea to make a girl.

      As they leave the inn, Hercules tries to convince Hephaestus not to make a girl, "A person is too unique, too complicated." Hephaestus won't let go of the idea, and begs Hercules to tell him what makes a woman what she is. Hercules tries to explain, and Hephaestus keeps likening the traits to various metals. "She's got a very strong will." "Strong... like bronze!" "Their hearts are pure." "Pure... you mean like gold!"

      Back at the forge, Hephaestus toils, making the perfect woman exactly as Hercules had unwittingly described. Finally she is finished, and Hephaestus gazes at her. Hercules happens to visit at that same moment, and looks in dismay at what his half-brother has done as Hephaestus happily tells him that her name is Galatea and asks him what he thinks. "It's beautiful," Hercules admits, and Hephaestus is quick to correct him, "Not it. She." Hephaestus blows some magic live-giving dust onto Galatea, and leaves to get something for her before she wakes up.

      Alone with Galatea, Hercules reluctantly admires her beauty. Outside, Hephaestus searches for the perfect gift, choosing among a songbird and butterflies. Inside the cave, Galatea wakes up and sees Hercules, who begins to panic and call for Hephaestus. Galatea greets him, and Hercules introduces himself and tells her what her name is. Outside, Hephaestus is gathering reeds with the intent to weave a cage to hold butterflies for her, when he catches his reflection in the pond and is filled with doubt and self-loathing. Inside, Galatea tries to touch Hercules's face, and he hastily backs away. Outside, Hephaestus finally decides to gather some flowers, and brings them back, only to find that Galatea has already awakened. Hercules introduces Hephaestus to Galatea, and though it quickly becomes apparent that Galatea favors Hercules, Hephaestus remains oblivious. Hercules suggests that they go out on a date far away, but Hephaestus is still nervous to be alone with a girl, and asks Hercules to come along. When Hercules tries to refuse, Heph extends the invitation to Iolaus and Jason.

      Cut to later - a rickety rope bridge across a ravine. Hephaestus crosses, followed by Hercules, who puts a foot through one of the old boards, sending the broken pieces of wood hurtling downward. Galatea thanks Hercules for bringing her along, and Hercules tries to avoid her advances while unsuccessfully trying to divert her attention to Hephaestus. Iolaus and Jason follow behind, carrying supplies for a picnic.

      In an open, grassy area, Hephaestus spreads out the picnic and double-checks that he has everything. He's so focused that he doesn't notice that on a nearby blanket, Galatea is stroking Hercules's hair. Hercules makes his escape to join Jason and Iolaus standing nearby, and Jason tells Herc that he needs to back off of Heph's date. Herc tries to explain that he's not doing anything, and Jason warns him that if things continue like this, Hephaestus will notice.

      Hercules leads Galatea a little ways away, and tries to tell her to lay off on the flirting. She tells him that she doesn't want to, and that she has a very strong will. Hercules is exasperated and Galatea moves in for a kiss. Hercules tries to stop her, and at that moment Hephaestus bursts between them, angry at Hercules. Hercules dodges his attack and tries to explain, but Hephaestus refuses to listen. Iolaus and Jason arrive and try to hold Hephaestus still, but Heph throws them backward through the air. Hephaestus threatens Herc, "I'll give you the woman you deserve!" before grabbing Galatea's hand and dragging her away. Iolaus admits that he never wants to see Heph angry again, and Jason warns Hercules to be careful, "He may be a nice guy, but he's still a god."

      Back at the picnic area, Hephaestus pulls a pouch out of his bag and grips it in jealous rage. He opens the pouch and pours out a smoky blue dust into one hand. He blows the dust into her face, "May your heart be cold as Olympian ice."

      Hercules, Iolaus, and Jason are walking slowly back to the picnic area, talking, when Galatea blocks their path. Hercules tries to talk to her, but she kicks him in the chest. She tries to kick him again a few times, but Hercules is ready for an attack and ducks her assault. Hephaestus appears nearby, confused by her actions. Hercules asks Galatea what she's doing, and she replies, "I'm trying to hurt you" as she throws him through the air. "I wanted her to reject Hercules, not attack him!" Hephaestus exclaims, and disappears on a mission to help the boys. Jason tries to talk to Galatea, but she grabs him and throws him through the air - he barely manages to grab onto the rope bridge to keep from falling into the ravine. Hephaestus appears next to Hercules, while Galatea grabs Iolaus and throws him through the air. Hercules goes after Galatea and sends Heph to help Iolaus and Jason.

      Meanwhile, Iolaus managed to grab onto Jason's foot to break his fall, while Jason continues to hang from the rope bridge. Hercules comes towards them, flying through the air (presumably thrown by Galatea), and lands on the boards of the rope bridge, breaking another board. Galatea approaches with a large rock, which she throws at Hercules - the impact makes the ropes holding the bridge together start to strain. She then starts shaking the bridge, trying to get Jason and Iolaus to fall. Hercules and Galatea fight on the bridge as Heph arrives to help pull up Jason and Iolaus. Galatea breaks through some more boards and hangs from the ladder by a rope. Hercules grabs Galatea's arm to keep her from falling into the ravine, but the weight of her metal body threatens to pull him over the edge. Heph uses his god strength to pull up Hercules and Galatea onto the bridge, but the weight of all five of them causes the ropes to snap and the bridge snaps in two - Hercules and Galatea each fall, grabbing one end of the bridge with their feet hooked in the opposite end. Iolaus and Jason try to help, but Hercules tells them to get off the bridge in order to give him and Galatea a chance to swing to safety. Iolaus, Jason, and Hephaestus retreat off the bridge. Hercules tells Galatea to let go with her hands, and on the count of three, they both let go and swing to opposite sides of the ravine. Hercules manages to pull himself up on his side of the rope bridge, but the board holding Galatea breaks and she falls to the bottom of the ravine.

      A short while later, Hephaestus is at the bottom of the ravine cradling Galatea's prone body, while Hercules sits nearby. "I know she's not real, Hercules. Why does it still hurt that she's gone?" Heph asks, but Hercules doesn't have an answer.

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Characters (mention only)

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Mythology

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Television Tropes

Quotes

Hephestus: I want to understand. I've lived most of my life alone. I haven't experienced the world like you. So, tell me. I mean, what is it about a woman that makes her what she is?

Hercules: It's... it's everything. It's anything. It's-
Hephestus: What things?!
Hercules: Okay, um... a woman is smart. And-and she knows herself. Well... she's got a very strong will.
Hephestus: Strong... like bronze.
Hercules: Sure, and, uh... you know, and, her senses are amazing, okay? She can see and hear things that men can't and, uh... well, their hearts are pure.
Hephestus: Pure... you mean, like gold.
Hercules: Well, sure, um... and she's caring, and she's generous, and... she's full of love and affection, and...

Hephestus: Love?
Hercules: Uh, what're-what're you doing?

Galatea: Don't be afraid of me. I'm full of love and affection.

Hercules: Well-- that may be, but-- y-you see, I-I think that you have me confused for someone else.
Hercules: Galatea. You have to lay off.

Galatea: I can't do that.
Hercules: Why can't you do that?
Galatea: Because I don't want to. And I have a very strong will.
Hercules: You got a strong will? And your senses are keen, and your heart is pure, and it's all because of me.

Galatea: It's like... you can see inside me.
Hephestus: I never should have made you. I wanted to believe that you were real. I know she's not real, Hercules. Why does it still hurt that she's gone?

Trivia & References

Pop Culture References and Greekisms - The title "Cyrano de Hercules" is a reference to the play Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand. Cyrano, an ugly soldier and poet, helps the handsome but tongue-tied Count Christian to win the love of the woman they both love.
Aired Out Of Order - Hephaestus appears in this episode, although he won't be officially "introduced" to Hercules until 1.16 - Down and Out in Academy Hills.
Continuity Warning - In H:TLJ "3.03 - Love Takes A Holiday", it is assumed that Iolaus had never meet Heph prior to that episode. but, it seems like they're buddies in Young Herc. - Whoosh.org.
Déjà Vu - The song bird Hephaestus sees when looking for a present for Galatea was originally from HtLJ "4.08 - ...And Fancy Free".

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